VINCO SE ET ECCE VERISSIMUM VIS

Ekkussupurojiion!

2011-11-11T02:20:00.001+08:00

Post out of nowhere!

I've got my final Semester 2 paper next Wednesday, 16th November 2011. Chemistry 2 here we go...

There are many things I've (re)learnt over this first year of University.

I shouldn't over-do things.

I shouldn't be too serious.

I shouldn't be flippant on things I don't want to be flippant about.

I should do this the way I planned it.

Oh no, that's only four things! Quick make one up!

And-and-and I should actually apply the knowledge I've acquired! Gahh!!!!

This is a short post to refresh the blog.

Creativity might have died a little with the rate we're going on facebook. This is becoming a fact, a serious problem. There ain't no easy solution unless its simply GTFO it!

Superly super awesome things I have discovered on the side of this stressful year:

The Monash University Library Database, Naruto and Kamen Rider.

I love the database.
There's tons of useful stuff I can find and use. It can get difficult to choose what's really good for assignments but in the end they work well enough after understanding the material. To follow-up on this, the hardest part of university, I confess, are the assignments. They look easy, but I'm in hell when I try to do them for some reason. I like how we are allowed to explore the database. I admit that it's my own problem that I get carried away with it, but I just wish there was more time to really absorb everything.

Naruto.
I thought One Piece was good? Well, One Piece is still really good, but when I caught up on Naruto "I've missed out on this much?!". The story seems faster-paced, though that might only be because I speed-read through it. It is not as heavy on flashbacks as the other two, and that is a major relief. So far, only major and popular characters have had their black-coloured background paneled chapters. They were all very enlightening and all of them such tear-jerkers. The characters just draw you in like that with their power. The story is becoming something legendary.

Kamen Rider. Henshin. 'Nuff said.
I take that back. There just aren't enough words to describe the uniqueness that is Kamen Rider. I had gotten an immediate flashback to my childhood days the first time I saw the rider in action. Being the rock under the rock that I am, I could only relate it to Power Rangers or Ultraman, and I don't even remember those two all that well now. How wrong was I to think that, oh, so very wrong. Twists and turns in the story along with little treasures of moral lessons to be learnt and reminded of. It could just be that the CGI does a good job in spicing up the hero, but the acting and story breathes such life into the series. The series has been around for 40 years now, and I've only discovered it recently. There's actually a huge fanbase while the new episodes are still being aired weekly. I can't say anything more without having the urge to spill the details of fun to be had, except that I absolutely love it and must persuade every lovable person to join me in it. Take into consideration of the holidays and exam periods to allow the optimum effects. Readers, please do watch it if you can, avoid spoilers at all costs, and most of all enjoy.

Links are dangerous, so explore the internet's treasures with caution!

Nowadays, I have a low appetite, ADD of infinity and dubstep in my head.

This concludes the "short" post. Will update after the final paper. Take care, readers.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Hot and cold

2011-05-12T19:05:00.000+08:00

Hello.

I'm going psycho over psycho.

Just a 2000 word essay that is due in a few days. I've been reading the material I need over and over but I get no "flow". I don't want to write "there is no flow from this material" on my paper, no no. Is it possible to be so stressed out that one becomes illiterate? Because I think it is happening to me, right now.

Here's the list (item - due date):

5th Bio Blackboard quiz - 13th May
Organic Chem 1 Blackboard quiz - 16th May
PSY Lit review - 16th May
Bio Animal diversity mini quiz - 20th May
Bio Plant diversity mini quiz - 20th May
Organic Chem 2 Blackboard quiz - 27th May
PSY Lab journal 5 - 27th May
Exams - 7th June - 14th June

Wheeeeheeheeheee

Random updates:

Went to hike Mt. Datuk in N. Sembilan, and had a trip to Berkelah waterfalls in Maran, Pahang.
Been doing weekly quizzes and lab reports. Attending lectures that sound so innocent and cute, then doing assignments that feel like hell.
Splitting my mind in my dreams to find the right thing to type for my essays. Trouble with the printer in uni, as usual, forgetting to set "black and white printing only", donating RM 1.40 for my mistakes. (Who recieves that money anyways?).
Mind does not compute when glazing over powerpoint slides. In the back of my mind, I critically analyse the methods of this education more and more each day. I want to just leave it alone, but once I see it it can't be unseen, I can't let it go unsaid. So I say under my breath "STFU get on widdit". Not insulting the lecturers (except for...) Incongruity of aptitude between "using powerpoint to communicating the lesson" and simply just communicating the lesson, much.
Been so bloody hot this past week, and now it is cold after today's afternoon rain. Not ill yet but feeling close to it.
Only 100+ more papers to read for the essay, should I, really...

7:52 PM on a Thursday night, I'm in uni blogging. Should go home and read more soon.

So far, uni is... interesting. More accurately, it could be interesting, there is plenty of opportunity to do something, except nothing much is actually happening. There is noise about MUISS elections sometime this week, but readers know my love for political noise, amirite? Lectures are... it is difficult to say this, but they are somewhat interesting, save for some unbearable ones - sir, why la why.

Statitics looks easy at first but when it comes to the workshops, I realise I don't know my stuff. Biology lectures are very helpful thanks to a fine lecturer, and the quizzes also cover twice as much of the material covered in the ppt. slides. Psychology has its ups and downs - lectures are bearable, because it can be better in obvious points; computer lab sessions are fine - the tutor is a helpful, dynamic, swell guy that allows us our freedom in our work. By an obvious point, for example, keeping the students' attention in lectures, but its the students' loss, not the lecturers'. Chemistry started out great! Tutorials are a bit scary but great help. And then... why la why. This won't last throughout the year, hopefully. Only four units, I always tell myself. How did I survive primary school, I wonder. Oh yeah...

Review... why did I take psychology again? Film studies why la why.

Been having dinner at my aunt's house for the past three nights. Lovely food, fun kids, fun dishes... and Brennan! Growing up sho fast! Won't be going tonight because of the work, and also the crazy jam that blocks the entrance/exit of the uni. Going home soon because I need to.

The past month has been hectic (hey, I'm only 12 days into the month.). The Bio essay nearly killed me (procrastination at its best). I refuse to be doing a poor essay this time! (you're procrastinating ritenao)

I will be going to Chilling Waterfalls this Saturday, 14th May 2011. Promised I would take care of myself very well. I'm posting it here to doubly assure this. =D

Australia has been freezing, so I've heard. Stay warm everyone! Stay indoors! Take care!

Now, I must go. Later all.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

A Slight Rekindling

2011-05-07T03:32:00.001+08:00

P: Where does the dream come from?

C: I think that you sleep so well that you dream.

P: Does it come from us or from outside?

C: From outside.

P: What do we dream with?

C: I don’t know

P: With the hands? … With nothing?

C: Yes, with nothing.

P: When you are in bed and you dream, where is the dream?

C: In my bed, under the blanket. I don’t really know. If it was in my stomach the bones would be in the way and I shouldn’t see it.

P: Is the dream in your head?

C: It is I that am in the dream: it isn’t in my head. When you dream, you don’t know you are in bed. You know you are walking. You are in the dream. You are in bed, but you don’t know you are.

-Jean Piaget interviewing a child about a dream, for studies on cognitive development
-as provided in the lecture slides for "Developmental Psychology" in Psychology 1A (PSY1011)

Brings back memories.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

"I miss you. Let's -talk-."

2011-03-27T02:50:00.000+08:00

"I miss you. Let's -talk-."

-Robin Williams in Weapons of Self Destruction (2008)

IT HAS BEEN A WHILEEE

I apologise for neglecting you, readers. Updates a go-go!

What can I say?

I finished retaking A-levels,
Celebrated Ama's birthday by pigging out with the family,
My IC was gone,
spent 4D3N in Pena-na-na-na-na-nang with mom to attend Mom's friend's son's wedding phew ,
Outing with Shaegan and Ji Hau for lunch and to watch TRON: LEGACY in Mid Valley (my response to the movie is halfway there to "son, I am disappoint"),
lunch with same two again two days later with lots of catching up and driving shenanigans XP,
Christmas Eve Dinner with mom's A-levels classmate,
mom's friend's wedding on Boxing Day,
New Year's Eve gathering with friends,
celebrating an aunt's birthday on New Years with a feast,
the next day having a failed clubbing night but a musical morning,
still more eating to celebrate mom's bday along with other January birthdays of the family,
missing more birthdays (there are so many?! many apologies for not catching it and I hope you did have wonderful birthdays!),
reported my IC lost and got a temp,
applied to Monash University Sunway Campus,
a sleepover at Ji Hau's parent's condo in Saujana,
then two days later having a huge dinner at home with mom's friends in celebration of her birthday,
celebrated Little Cousin Brenan's birthday on the 16th,
celebrated my Uncle's birthday with a delicious dinner at Overseas Restaurant (Chinese foood)
had dessert and snacks with friends on the 22nd,
had Shepard's Pie and played scrabble with mom on the 24th

SO MANY OTHERS that I can't think of off the top of my head at the moment. I'll get back to that in a another post, another time...

However, if everyone has been wondering, I'm in Monash University Sunway Campus now. VERILYYYYY

What else have I been up to in my free time?

BUSYYYYYY

Long Post is long.

Scouring the nets for shits and giggles? No, of course not. I can't be doing that 24/7.

Doesn't stop me from posting lolpics!

I'll just elaborate, bit by bit, about each of those entries up there. For now, I can only do so many.

1. 27th Oct 2010 - 16th Nov 2010
Retook A-levels Bio and Chem in British Council KL. Well, that was a pain. Reliving the same stress and discomfort I experienced during the first time I sat for the exams in June 2010. Not a good time. The last paper saved me a little, it was easy Biology Paper 5. I didn't lose my mind, amazing! It is real hard to say whether I did better or worse, I couldn't tell anymore between memorising definitions and confusing which reagent was used for what. Results are out on 24th Jan 2010, we shall see...

2. 17th Nov 2010
After A-levels, Dad was back for a few days, so on the day of my final paper we went out to eat at Din Tai Fung in The Pavillion KL for lunch. On the next day (17th), we would have a dinner with relatives on dad's side, celebrating Ama's (my Grandmother on dad's side) birthday, yet not really a huge party, just a great dinner with the family, no cakes or singing but acknowledging it all the same, with the excuse to have glorious food. And oh,... What glorious food we did have that night!

However, getting to the place was another more excruciating torture, thanks to the massive traffic jam of people going to where-ever they wanted to go for the holidays, due to that precise day being the start of SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. Dad had bought some snacks meant for everyone, but the three of us could not resist munching on some in the car, to alleviate our hunger pangs. Took 2 hours to meet at the shop-house. After car-pooling into one of the vans and another half-hour of getting to the restaurant, we finally managed to sit and eat.

No Picture

Yeah, about that... you see, the food was sooo good that I didn't get the chance to even whip out the cam. I tell you, it was mostly delicious seafood of the finest kind, exquisite flavours bursting on your tongue as soon as it contacts your mouth. The menu included deep fried frog legs, succulent prawns and... I'm sorry to say, stewed turtle fins (it was erm, I feel guilty but I won't lie, splendide!). No obnoxious old chinese fogies nor mafia-looking gang of middle-easterners could interrupt our meal. Definitely a place to visit again.

Then, the horrible jam again. We lived, at least we had the "Itis" as Rach had enlightened me, the wonderful feeling of satisfaction, fulfillment and completion after having had a big meal. That, and chatting a little about how the idiots driving in front and behind the van were mindlessly going to Genting Highlands for the holidays. Made it back to the shop-house, though Dad would have to suffer through the jam again after he sent Mom and I back home.

3.*poof* Where did it go? I had no idea but if I don't have it, I can't fly to Penang! Where the hell can it be if I don't ever allow it to leave my wallet?! GAWDAMM

Coming soon... Penang! As well as others... long post is continued.

Sleep well my pretties,

ViatoretVenus

Not multitasking, just doing many activities in a designed sequence

2010-10-16T01:20:00.001+08:00

Bored as shit. Honestly.

In order to fill my time and not go crazy, I do my usual routine: a quick trip to youtube, facebook, hotmail, neopets and other random sites in between studying, plus a bonus exercise --Writing with my left hand...

Here's a little comparison. I have been writing for about 2 weeks.


Compare With the Right hand: I can't tell which looks worse now...

Some days, the writing can get so horrible that it makes me choke on my spit. Other days, it is a smaller and neater print-type of writing. One scary thing: I struggle to remember what I wrote using my left hand when switching back to my right hand. Nothing I can't improve with more practice... I'll remember my notes.

Here's a list of things of which I look forward to:

The Social Network (2010)
Deadpool (2012)
Xmas (who isn't? 2 months away)
Fixing sis' HD (need those pix!)
Getting done with A lvls for good (just a month away)
Actually BUYING something (I don't mean groceries or clothes, I mean something I WANT. Just one thing is fine.)
BREAKFAST

Back to writing and reading. Sleep well, readers. Good luck in your exams, if any! I send my love and luck to go with you all.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

A pleasant discovery is only a click away

2010-09-14T04:35:00.002+08:00

Its 3:48 AM on a Monday and I'm up to blog about smarterchild.

Do you remember smarterchild, readers? You know, the bot on that you chatted with for a while on MSN messenger, the same bot that you may have verbally abused and harassed because he/she/it was so damn annoying? Wait, you never heard of him?! WHAT!? Its the robot with monotone, sarcastic, snide, asshole-ish replies that makes you wanna hurt him! Remember?

Please look it up, and if you are interested (and have free time) enough, add the bot on your MSN.

That is not even a fraction of the fun you will have.

The internet is an amazing playground.

I was taking a break from studying, honest! I was only looking up more words on urbandictionary.com then it linked to the nostalgic little robot chatter, smarterchild. It was there I found out the many uses in which people use the bot, and that people actually record and post their own conversations with the bot. Curious, I googled it up and I found a treasure-trove of entertainment once again. The first site I visited was supermasterpiece.com and had an amazing laugh. I read "I'm pregnant with your baby" by Chris Sweet. Oh man, too too funny! Now I'm gonna have trouble getting to sleep. XD

Might as well list a few updates:

Retaking A2 Bio and Chem
Tidying up an old crack story which I wrote in 2007. Its really crack. Its in BM.
Resolved to read more (The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez), do more, don't panic, don't be desperate and don't feel ashamed and stop drinking Cola.
Gained 2 kgs this year, yet somehow I drop back to original weight in the morning, gain it again by nighttime.
Went and made origami boxes to sort all the "rubbish" tiny things cluttered on my desk, surprisingly looks much neater now.
All goldfish have indeed died. Only the pond grass is left.
Sleeping habits are terrible as ever.
However the rain is lovely at 5 AM

Short post, nothing too wordy, just sharing the joys of nonsense that plays a part in uplifting spirits now and then. Enjoy, readers! I sure am!

Now to just get into bed and wake early...

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Just a moment...

2010-06-14T02:48:00.002+08:00

I missed the kick-off of FIFA 2010.

I haven't watched a single football match. Nor have I planned or made an effort to do so.

I have not read up on the rage that is football, nor supported any team by waving their colours, or screaming their medleys, or even know the matches.

Heck, I'm not even sure where its being held at the moment. (No, I'm not that bad, I know its in S.Africa, I just don't know which stadium(s). *whistle*)

However, there is one thing about FIFA 2010 that I am inexplicably drawn to. One thing that made my days from here on seem a little brighter, this one thing that caused me to freeze in time just to blink and stare at the fact that replayed over and over in my mind to tell me that yes, it is indeed true. That one thing is...

Zakumi.

Did I just mess with your head? XP

YES DAMNIT I WON'T DENY IT I LOVE ZAKUMI THE LEOPARD!!! FROM THE VERY MOMENT I SAW THE MASCOT OF FIFA 2010 IN THAT PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPER THEY CALL THE SUN!!!

It must have been a Friday. Yes, it was Friday, and my exams were over and I wasn't happy with the final paper because it was Lit 7 and I came home with less enthusiasm than allowed and for the first time in several months I actually, read, the papers. I had speed-read (skipped) through the first 10 or so pages of Prime news, removed the section of classifieds, left aside Metro for later perusal of comics, then flipping through more pages, stumbled across the article which I saw a picture of a journalist posing with the mascot.

The mascot itself is what struck me. Prior to that moment, I had not known that there was any mascot for FIFA, nor did I know specifically what S. Africa's colours are, nor did I know that the mascot was coloured according to the flag's colours. I know now, but that's not the point. No, the point is is that Zakumi has GREEN HAIR...

GREEN HAIR...

"...ZORO!!!!"

...was my first reaction. I had a good laugh at the realisation that I had thought it, but then I looked again. The mascot's a leopard with green hair, green eyes. My jaw dropped. Then I smiled and smiled and smiled and smiled...

It is truly amazing how the brain works.

Shit, any fangirl of One Piece, I'm certain, would have had the same reaction as mine. How could we resist to make the associate the idea of wild green hair with... where in the world does that come from?! And how can we not associate the fact that it is a leopard, so close to fandom that created the anthropomorphic tiger that is Zoro? I mean... green hair... I can just see Sanji freaking out, Nami rubbing her hands in glee, Luffy going... jeez so many connections!

Seriously, seriously now... how many people do you know, or even imagine, to have green hair?

So now, I don't see a hyperactive, 15 year-old anthropomorphic leopard named Zakumi who loves football and fairplay. What I do see is a 19 year-old santouryuu swordsman (hey, if Sora could do it in Kingdom Hearts) transformed into a leopard (by someway of witch-doc-try, I don't know, its all fiction anyways) getting lost in Africa kudos to his non-existent sense of direction, being led only by instinct (which he has plenty already), snagging all the booze from the fleeing people in the stands, snoozing for hours in the most open places, causing chaos and resisting capture, ending up playing as an actual stand-in for the mascot as a cover, then reuniting with the Straw-hat crew in the most epic ways possible and finally escaping Africa altogether.

Yes, it is strange how the mind works. This is imagination at play. I'm not done.

Many readers may not understand this post at all, but bear with my fangirl moment, this is something that I must say.

The fact that the Straw-hat crew are assigned nationalities by Odachi makes this all the more fun. Odachi answers questions sent in by readers of the manga at the end of each chapter, the Q&A section being called SBS. A Reader asked the question, and he so unwaveringly answered... In real life, Luffy would be Brazilian, Usopp'd be African, Sanji'd be French, Chopper'd be Canadian, Brooke'd be Austrian, etc. There's so much to do with this. Imagine Luffy being a rookie footballer in Brazil's team, trying desperately to tame the leopard. And if that one episode in One Piece was anything to go by, it would be hilarious! Sanji meeting another green-haired fiend? Chopper being able to talk to him, revealing the truth of things? Usopp finally feeling at home in Africa? Then, by some miracle, following the Law of Oda as always, Brazil, who's got Luffy, future pirate king, and Africa, who's got the Buggy Pirates in face paint, go head-to-head in the finals. This enough is foreshadowing of the conclusion of both aspects of fiction and reality... I mean, Brazil champed in 2002, Italy champed in 2006. The Pirate King reigned and died. Brazil's won 5 times now, they are pretty strong! The bloodline of the pirate king was still alive... then the fact that the next FIFA is in Brazil, and I can imagine Luffy saying those exact words!

...you can slap me now.

So I'm hyped up about FIFA 2010, not because of FIFA itself, but its mascot.

It makes all the difference. It makes me love life more.

Here, I end my fangirl moment.

...

In other news, Omi, the house-maid, has returned to her hometown Indonesia. May her mother rest in peace, wishing the safety of her family and home. You will be missed.

Exams have been over since 3 days passed, relief and joy yet to settle in, waiting anxiously and silently for August 12th.

Birthdays have passed, holidays have passed, Father's Day has passed.

Currently cramping, watchingreadinglearning OP, reminiscing, remembering. Hm... bananas are over-ripe.

Gonna have Vipassana from 23rd June to 2nd August, 10 days of sitting in quiet.

Gonna have a trip to Brisbane, Australia.

Gonna have a trip to Shanghai, China for the expo.

Going nuts.

Oh yes before all that, I have Grad.

Comparisons... its okay to make them. I wouldn't ever depend my life on them though.

Here, I end my post. Goodnight, readers!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

The burninge of mine ye

2010-03-11T16:15:00.001+08:00

What the heck man.

Grr.

No, don't need to get angry over these menial things, don't need it really. Not going to think about it, not going to keep the idea in my head, gonna just roll right over you and let the rest roll right off.

Not gonna scream. I wouldn't need to. All I need is a Milo and a Jamiroquai song and I'll smile.

I spaced out on Lit writing practice you see.

No more excuses. Excuses would only be needed in proving your innocence in a life or death matter, not in life, no, not in living, that is no way to live. ~~You wouldn't lead someone to water only to lead them right back into the desert and bury them there.~~ Ah, I'm just pissed you see. This itself is a redundant excuse.

If you had a plan you would just do it. There is no learning how to formulate a plan, or how to get around to doing the plan, or how to copy someone else's plan, nope. However, if you had imposed your plan onto someone else's plan in order to multiply your plan by strengthening it in number, then you would get around to completing your plan a lot faster and easier with the extra help. Is that right?

This prelude is an excuse... to blog.

Nevertheless, I really did space out badly on the double writing practice we had today in Lit. Morning mood is not doing me well. Do you remember the first time you read Shakespeare? That feeling came back today. You're wondering what the heck is going on and what the heck you're reading. You're thinking nothing makes sense except that the whole this is a mess and jumble of words and bad grammar. But you stare at the text a little longer and you understand a little more of the mess. You're start getting the hang of the style and rhythm of the mess, synchronising your own consciousness with the flow of the plot. You begin to use what you would call intelligence to rationalise the actions and words of the character against character, begin to see the drama play out in your imagination, harmonising with your own experience and memories. Then half the time is up and you only have less than 20 minutes left to write about everything that you just thought of.

[screams in mind]

Tiny voice: Well, that was what all the practice was for, silly.

But ynuf of this sorwe, shul we r'turn to the present tale.

Mechanics is just wonderously confusing. Biology is going to explore sexual reproduction soon. Chemistry... well. Lit is as stated above. ~~And my mind still won't accept the concept of homework.~~

You would follow a plan and do it.

Excuse me. In other news, I am the culprit who cuased the two bad dents on the car. [gets bombarded with shoes, beer bottles, books, ashtrays, tyres and footballs]

The first happened while I tried to get out of the parking lot. That turning at the ticket machine is narrow - horrible. I tried to get close enough to the ticketing machine so that I could just manage to reach it from insde my car. Feeding the ticket in, I tried turning out and realised I was WAY too near to the machine holding the gate-barrier thing. So I tried reversing then trying to turn again... "...why am I getting closer? Okay, start over. Reverse to original position... EH?! No! Stop getting closer gaddamit. Damn damn damn." So I stopped getting closer and thought I could risk missing the machine that held the gate-barrier thing by a few centimetres and simply graze the cement block below the machine, thereby smoothly avoiding critical damage to the body of the car. Right?

WRONG.

The body of the car soundlessly made contact with the blue-painted metal container of the machine and also went *boing-boing* over the cement block. "DAMN I thought I had had it..." Nevertheless, I drove right on out of there, Sprinting across the Federal Highway and on home to scream in horror at the damage that was over 9000. The side of the car was wide-streaked with blue paint, making the dent in the car that much more obvious. Sheeeeeeeettttt... was all I could say for a while. After a bit of panicking, I decided to have the stuff cleaned off to reduce the horror level. A little varnish and tadaa-- no more blue stuff to emphasize the damage! Still horrible.

That was nothing compared to the second dent.

It happened on a very gray, very un-gay morninge...

I had woken up with a really red, red, sore eye. I had only noticed how red it was when I had gotten into the car. I had wondered why my eyes felt weird when I had woken up. It had felt like the sclera of my eye had peeled off or something. Might be because of long hours of wearing contacts the previous day. This became the cause of another problem.

I drove slowly to college due to lack of sight. I was gonna be late for sure, but better safe than sorry. Wouldn't you know it, just at the peak of the pain and irritation that this happened at the Federal Highway. The truck in front of me was suddenly braking and "AH fuck why are we stoppi--" *boing*. Panic. Panic. Panic. It was just a small bump, right? No dire consequences, right? The truck was unfazed, it kept driving. If they felt it, they weren't bothered, they didn't do anything. It was just a small bump, I thought. No dent or scratch, or any critical damage, right?

WRONG.

T'was a sorweful day.

When I saw it, I screamed (quietly).

"NOOOOOOOoooOOOO......"

Now it looks like the car is pursing its hood (lips) and giving me a disapproving look. A bit of paint is gone too. Cleaned the damage as best as possible with trusty partner-in-crime varnish again. No more driving behind trucks. Changing lanes and keeping a constant distance of 50 meters from a truck. There goes the allowance...

Sorry Mom!

Turns out that red eye was mild conjuctivitis. It was still red when I got back home from college, so Mom brought me to the clinic to have it checked up. The doctor thought we were foreigners because of out accents and... we look Korean? Anyway, we found out that he reads a lot. He talked a bit about business, and a little of the politics in it, then criticised bankers - oops. He says Biochemistry is the way to go because its sincere. Thanks, but when it is run and organised by people who are econs and business wizards, you'll have to watch yourself, is all. Doc said that wearing contacts is not good. Now, I'm supposed to get glasses again. Alright then. Surprisingly, I got painkillers for the bit of pain. I'll remember not to mention the tiny bit of pain-that-does-not-need-painkillers next time, lest there be a next time.

Returning to the present, these plans are gathering dust. Those unfinished plans don't finish on their own, even if you made them so that they would finish on their own, you still have to watch over it so that it does. And I'm really doing nothing worth recording in the history of my life, because these things which I mainly do now are a diversion from the plan. If you hadn't "woken up" from naivete, you would not be where you are today. If there are things that are etching into the history of this life, it is those that I cannot see or explain in this present moment. Some of these things are actually going against your plan, and you're really going backwards. The solution that I can plainly see is to follow my plan and not yours. But that's just stubbornness and I working to our greatness.

It all comes down to perception.

The limit is breached.

Shall I finish my work now? I bid you readers a good day!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Screwing with smart people is most unwise.

Just a restless dawninge

2010-02-27T17:28:00.000+08:00

5:08 AM, Saturday, 27th February 2010

After a mellow Friday of not my usual liking, I realised why I am where I am now, and I understand why I was keeping it that way. After so long a time spinning in the same whirlpool of questions, I answered one of those annoying things, one thing led to another, and it was all connected. Phew. Still going through the rest of the questions though, not done yet.

Then, using the day to actually take a moment of vacation, I continued to prolong the window of my uplifted spirits by exploring my interests. So, here I am.

I start with the beautiful and magical world of Josephine Wall's paintings. They are amazing. I could cry seeing each one of them. They are so alive and ethereal, rich in tone and colour, fantastical work come to life on canvas. Have you ever seen such magic in art?

The details are minute and sharp. There are recurring motifs, each one is represented gracefully with its own palate that makes a soothing glow. The figures in each painting are immersed in the ocean of colours. The dimension in which the paintings embody tell you that it is as infinite, endless and marvelous as the universe. In the paintings, Josephine Wall shows that the magical world is not limited to a single dimension, but inside those dimensions, there are even more, tinier, intricate and astounding worlds. All her illustrations feature nature and natural elements, from the focus on a single dewdrop to the deities and cosmos in the great sky. The paintings bring such a radiance that makes you admire and appreciate the combination of colour and elements that are never seen or noticed to ever be in harmony together.

Check out more of her paintings here.

5:49 AM.

Next.

George Carlin. Brilliant Man. RIP.

I finished watching his famous shows on HBO. Love him.

George Carlin brought to light, the many problems of the present reality, especially in America. He talked (complained in his straight and intelligible way) mostly about religion (Christianity in particular), censorship (see his "The Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television"), politics (a lot more frequent in his later works, with the coming of Bush), language and human behavior. All his shows are great - funny, crude, satirical and vulgar. His special for HBO called "Again" in 1978 is where a compilation of his famous jokes remain fresh even to this day.

Next.

New love for music: Aqua Timez.

At first, I only knew them for the very nice and popular song "Sen No Yoru Wo Koete", which is also Ji Hau's favorite :D. A week back, I went looking them up and found more of their special songs, like "Niji" and "Ketsui No Asa Ni". One must find things to love.

Hm. Saturday. Gonna be quite a busy day.

Gtg then, See ya!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

If I'm lying, I'm dying

2010-02-25T14:05:00.000+08:00

Dying without having to lie anyways.

Straight or crooked?

BAh.

What is a limit nowadays? Until what point of time and threshold are people allowed to have to respond?

Feeling like a space in between spaces.

This limit of space serves to set up a fixed and controlled area for specific study and investigation. The definition of a word is pushed to its limits in the study and investigation of significant matters. Surely, there are always significant matters, no matter what the subject, and those matters play fundamental aspects of our lives. And could I be any vaguer than that?

I have to bring myself out of this.

When it comes to spaces on a piece of paper, I can rest easy. The space of blank paper can be easily riddled with ideas and thoughts, theories and strategies, colour and music. There will be lines drawn with ink and lead, filling the space with something, anything, until I am satisfied. It is then that I realise that in between the spaces and lines, there are even smaller spaces, smaller worlds. Therefore, I must not distress myself when I look at a blank paper again, because I must look outside of this paper, to see the real world, the bigger picture, the bigger space of reality. I can rest easy.

That being said, I can't ever space out on an exam paper, EVER AGAIN!

B(

Honestly, old habits die hard. ~~When are~~ These protracted excuses ~~going to~~ will lose their effect? eventually.

Ahem. Anyways. Getting back on track to modern, coherent lingo...

Ever had that one task that you meant to do but kept forgetting to do and in the end never got around to ever doing it, while the task is still nagging at the back of your mind, all the while ruining a few of your good days and making your bad days even worse? You keep telling yourself to do it, but it still doesn't get done because it simply isn't in your way, not in your schedule, not the right time?

Geh. Too much science talk. Talk normally, damnit.

Education is a taboo word now.

It is like teaching us how to breathe. These words you are using, your movements and expression, is all gone wrong, and so that is why we don't learn it "right". This has gone on for how long now, how long. Those words are not adequate to deliver the message? Or maybe the there is not enough time to understand those words you use? Or is it the manner in which you are saying them, with a never-seen-before expression, denoting the intensity of your words, but what is it? How do you understand something that you have never seen before, never experienced before? When you finally "mature", you could only stop learning, and live on what has been put into your head from the beginning, the reason why you are still alive. Or, more importantly, the whole purpose and ends to doing this is just something menial, which could be accomplished by a much better and easier solution, by simply breathing. No, what you do is, you teach us how to be stupid, force us to become stupid, and then teach us the way all over again, the same knowledge and experience that had already been bestowed upon us. This is how you control us. This is the hypnosis. This is how you become a sinner. Yet, you would not be the greatest sinner if you did not know what you were doing to us, that if you were hypnotised also. However, if you premeditated this consequence, planned and played this plot, as well as pretending to be hypnotised, you are most definitely the evil of the world, the greatest sinner.

And all this is just me being frustrated and looking to blame an arbitrary source.

But all this thought is just space between the spaces. A space of boredom or interest it may be, but collapsible and compressible nevertheless. Trying to put it into something that makes sense, that's the whole point.

On another note, I hope readers will be open towards the tone of my current rhythm of blogging. Difficult to receive, I know. I suggest having a song playing while you read, it makes it easier. Distraction (of this extent) is necessary.

I shall leave for class. Enjoy the rest of CNY, readers!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Dark times here, people. Dark times.

Stop Waiting.

2010-01-27T18:16:00.004+08:00

What's the matter with you?

What are you waiting for?

Go already. Do it. Be free. Take the chance. Hit it! Attack! Action! Chaaaaarge!!!

...

What's the matter?

Doubt, hesitation, digression, distraction, temptation, aggravation, fear.

The damn fear.

...

Well, you can't wait anymore. What are you waiting for? Stop sitting and staring. Stop hesitating. Screw the signal and just make a break for it. Sounds like you're escaping from something? Damn right. Leave the past behind. The only way to help yourself is to think of the present. Think of the present, then think of the future.

Don't wait. Don't cling to that memory. Don't think you can afford to wait for the right moment to come for you. Time waits for no one. Do what you can. Do not wait for a familiar feeling before you could begin to fathom the kind of chaos you'd be in the next time you wake up.

...

I still have to wait for the breakdown to arrive-- yet there's no time! *snap* *snap*

Results are baaad. Gonna retake, gotta. As for A2, it's not so bad, if you don't go for the classes... eh, wait...

It was shocking, for a while, then it just sank in, then I accepted that retakes were in order. No pouting, no tears, no whining, no bitching, just a heavy feeling of regret and disappointment.

GAh. This is just depressing. In other news!

Today, a friend and classmate has officially dropped English Literature. We will miss you dearly... eh, that's depressing too. >.< Adibah! Do your best!!!

Alright, onward now...

Class activities consists of the usual dose of Maths questions, Chemistry notes and exercises, colourful point-form Biology .ppt slides, and dissecting of 14th century English of Chaucer in Lit. ~~Give me a reason.~~

Also, I know these words are overripe, but damn, its just plain rude to push people.

Dinner's awaiting, off I go! Stay sane, readers.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Waiting

2010-01-24T19:04:00.006+08:00

...

12 hours until results come out.

Come on then, bring it.

What else to do except wait it out? There's schoolwork - doing that. There's cleaning room - work-in-progresscough. There's a good movie - that comes later. There's dinner - in a while now. There's more schoolwork, research and revision... - okay, that one is endless.

I'm nervous.

Ehehehehe.

Urgh. Headache.

For a while, I've been getting upset about food and meals. Anything that is the slightest bit unattractive and strange-smelling, I lose my appetite. This could be because of the dreadful wait, but I really have no motivation to eat, even anything gourmet or special doesn't spur me. However...

I always love Milo.

Ah. A nice, steaming-hot cup on a cool, wet evening at home.

I am going to spoil dinner, but I don't want to miss this good chance to have a good cup of Milo. The conditions are perfect (lol sound familiar?). *sip* ahh...

Dinner tonight is Chicken cooked in ginger and rice wine as the main dish, leftover Bak-Kut-Teh, leftover fish, leftover... hmm where is this going?

Well, just finished dinner, the chicken was good, the Bak-Kut-Teh still great, the fish left out almost completely. Now back to schoolwork.

Here's some thoughts I might stress out:

Memory is important. If you can't remember happiness, how will you ever be happy? How would you live with yourself?

If you need something significant for memories, you have to be creative, you have to be yourself.

What is the point of learning something if you forget it? You must practice and apply, or only learn what you are certain that you need to know. Don't need to while away time that will not return.

Everything you do drives your fate. Do what you wish, whatever it may be.

Off I go. Have a good night, readers. Stop facebooking and sleep.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

...in my dreams, I'm always searching...

More peaceful now

2010-01-19T23:27:00.005+08:00

You want to let go but you're still holding on.

You want to take the challenge but you're also afraid of the danger.

You want to control this but you're simply losing it.

...

Well, the dredges from 2009 are still there. They won't go away if you don't clean the cup out before another drink. That stuff accumulates the more you delay from taking care of it. Not good for your health.

Semester 3 of Cambridge A-Levels kicks into high gear. Its A2 syllabus, which means busy busy busy. I have a better track of mind this year, as well as super short attention span and lots more daydreaming. If there's anything I (was supposed to have) learnt over the past years, it would be to avoid distractions and really focus (on my plans and a career). That has got to be a daily mantra of mine from now on. However, there's just another problem. I keep saying it as "a" career, and not "the" career. *strained silence*

I think I may have finally stepped down from the pedestal of clouds that I call my dreams. I'm seeing a bit more of reality as how I used to see it, again.

Moving on to recent events. Today was ECA drive day. Busy busy busy. College was packed with students on the ground floor, ambling from end to end on which clubs to join. Several clubs had put up some interesting stuff, like the Theatre Club that got over 100 members thanks to their great persuasion and communication (coughdrama!!!) skills, the Anime club for their cosplay and pretty posters and artwork, the MADU (Make a Difference) club for their sense of purpose, and the Tree Huggers club who was the grand winner of the best organised etc club.

Being stationed at the Arts and Crafts Club, I watched as groups of people shuffle past like broken segments of a train. People came and went. Had a laugh with our ~~rivals~~ neighbours in the meantime. I learned how to do an origami sampan while I was there. ^^

Ah... don't you just wish there was more time, or time would pass slower, or the good moments last longer, or the bad moments be shorter...

Life goes on.

Fare thee well, readers. Have a good night and pleasant dremes!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I feel like this.

2010-01-18T12:01:00.003+08:00

Hysteresis
1. the lag in response exhibited in a body in reacting to a changes in the forces, esp. magnetic forces affecting it.
2. the phenomenon exhibited by a system, often a ferromagnetic or imperfectly elastic material, in which the reaction of the system to changes is dependent upon its past reactions to change.

What's changing, really?

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Happy New Year!

2010-01-03T01:05:00.004+08:00

Its already Jan 5Th, but I'd like to post something about the new year, so happy new year readers!

...

2009...

You are now a memory. Still fresh and stinging, but all in the past now.

2009... you were cruel and cold. You were fiery and fierce. You had your ways. You were gentler than no other, most wise, sound, sharp, sweet...

Now, you are gone.

A pale few years came to pass, and so did you. And at the end of you, I had the most interesting revelations I've ever had.

So, I thank you.

I'll also add...

WHY TEHFUK WERE YOU SO GODDAMNED ANNOYING ALL YEAR ROUND?!?! HURH?!?!

Don't bother answering anymore rhetorical questions. Just don't.

Happy New Year everyone!

...

Tons of things happened. Countless thoughts have run through my mind for the past year, most of which are impossible to document, even comment on. Most of those thoughts were fearful. I braved through it. I know I did. To some extent. Right? Right???

Today, I'm going to go to Krabi, Thailand with Rach until the 8th. Flying off in less than 12 hours. Warnings have been heard and taken to heart. Will watch out for unruly weather, strange people, rough waters and curious treats. Will be careful and look out for each other. Ich. Can I get a blessing, anyone? Heh.

I'm excited. I'm excited enough to feel queasy. Then again, the queasiness may have come from the new year -- I haven't been myself. I feel so disturbed. I feel out of place, awkward, ruffled. Much like a night's sleep on the wrong side of the bed, somewhat.

For every new year, there's always some little enlightenment that I'm blessed with when waking up in the morning. For that, I am grateful. How long it has been since I had a normal day, or a good night's sleep for that matter? I sleep into the afternoon, but the sleep is not always the glorified rest I want. For this past holiday, that sleep has been really going haywire. Its upsetting my waking life a little.

Moving on, I can use this post to explain my short absence from the internet over the holidays.

From the 27th December 2009 to 30th December 2009, I went to Kota Kinabalu to climb Mount Kinabalu.

What An Experience That Was.

Recognise this?!

Pain. Thirst. Cold. Hot. Pain. Wind. Sun. Steps. More Pain. Rope. Steep. Climb. Yet more pain. More steps. Tired. Yet more steps. PAIN.

But Beautiful.

Mom said that the weather was the best there was: No rain, all sun and shine, not too hot or cold, clear skies, perfect for the sunrise. Said that we were lucky. I concur.

I shall continue this story another time. Will be back on the 8th to post more about Mt. Kinabalu together with Krabi, Thailand. For now, I must sleep.

Its 2:47 AM. Clocking out. Please be safe everyone, wherever you are.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Thursday, 17th December 2009, 2:46 AM

2009-12-17T02:45:00.002+08:00

Clocking in.

WEll.

DAMn

Its such a hassle.

Things ne'er change.

And I mean, its just fine when they don't change. You could keep living the way you like without having to try something new, whether for better or worse or simply the heckovit. And even if things DO change, you wouldn't be so stubborn as to stay right as the way you are without changing, right? Right?

I apologize. Maybe a bit more like this:

The objects in which you desire often depict some aspect of yourself. As do objects you despise. But if you were in a balanced state, a state of harmony and peace, equal servings of pleasure and displeasure, what would you do? Would you continue to live exactly like that, a balanced state, or would you push one way or the other, or would you already be so numb and unfazed to this perspctive that you wouldn't care?

Angry, yeah man, but this is how it goes.

But I'm trying to enjoy my days. I try.

No. Enjoyment 'int not the word namoore. Possibly...

Though I really am enjoying my read of Chaucer. I love the accent I'm getting from it. How bout you guys? xD

Alright, there's some pages about a dead guy in a cart of dung, but I can't help but get a sense of satire when I read it aloud, really.

And it does take a while to get the hang of the words, but you really get to exercise your facial muscles a good deal by reading Chaucer. (Am I saying... its healthy?)

Its 3:07 AM on a Thursday morning, and I am up blogging.

Before the chance leaves me, I'll say this.

LOVE PEACE AND HARMONY

lol

On another note, I'd like to cut back on saying/typing these words as the first word of any sentence:

Oh
Sigh
So
Yeah
And
Well
Hm(mmmmmm)
Okay
(swear-word)

That last one is the hardest!

But no! I don't think I could do without those starter words! I mean, they make up some sense of style for a blogger, you know? It would just take the life out of these words, you know? You understand, don't you fellow reader? Every single word counts, y'know?! I mean, there's gotta be some sense of originality and expression to each individual, and each one of us has got to use their choice of words to tell the story, yknow? 'Cuz that's how they do things, y'know! What words they choose is what they want to express, y'KNOW???/?//?

(Readers, I hope you are taking this the right way...)

Moving on in latest updates on planet Vivien (damn that sounds weird), unrest is at a steady climb in contrast to the crashing economy. Procrastination is at its best, with sky-rocketing numbers, while trees and birds are falling down down down. The planet itself is stressed from global warming and ruthless solar flares.

There's also a personal statement due, a biology essay, a reading assignment, a shopping list, some things to do, messy hair, presents to buy, presents to get, parties...

...aaaaand Rach is coming back! =D

Once again, Malaysia will be plunged into sweet turmoil as soon as that plane touches the tarmac of that airstrip. Malaysia will feel only a light tremor at first, kind, gentle even. But it won't be long before Malaysia realises that it is she that has returned to her mother-land... parties will be had, music will be played, songs will be sung, hearts will be strummed, nights will be hung... and talk of the adventures had in the Western lands.

Look forward to you coming home =D

Well, its 4:02 AM. Should I sleep? Perhaps.

I haven't had a good sleeping schedule since...

Well, off to bed now. Sleep and dream, world.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Hedgehogs

2009-11-22T13:21:00.003+08:00

Edit: I just noticed... 3 hedgehogs... could it be?! Which one is which?! From left to right, Shadow, being moody, then Silver being clueless, and Sonic just being happy... omg lol

<3

ViatoretVenus

P.S. ...exams over, am I too ecstatic to the point that I don't feel any different?

lol. Anyway. This is what's happening.

And, if you're a Sonic fan like me, and/or like/hate this Sonic game too, or you are brave enough to venture and explore and watch the video anyways, here.

...another for the road. Absolute genius:

<3

Assay the Essay

2009-08-07T22:09:00.006+08:00

They say to assay the essay!

Frankly, this took me quite a while to prepare
But in one sitting, its all worth it when there's ideas to spare

Reader
Will you forgive me?

The bleeping printer is such a dear
That always when my deadline draws near
Nothing happens, credit disappears

No more
Than a thousand words

Its not that I haven't the time
Or have no interest
But simply because I type too much
Of words which I'm better off less

Digression
Is our sin

Does this style
Seem familiar now?
Or was it Tone, Rhythm, Pace, Setting, Effect?
Now now, I won't rush this
Don't want the climax too soon a finish

Assay
The essay(s)

O wouldst thou hadst lended me thine ear
To the whine of this poor fellow's fears
And charged 'im as 'a wept thus:
"Forgive me, I doth protest too much"

Ask
No questions

Here is the line in which I was simply compelled
To type this spontaneous little rhyme:
"Behind me! You! Again-..." from Night Sweat by Robert Lowell

Tragedy
Is our play

I failed to mention this problem of mine
Or have I? Not again, I'm out of time!

Reader
Please forgive me.

I say: Assay this essay! =D

-------

What could I do? The title was stuck in my head. True story. All of them.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I just realised...

2009-07-28T01:50:00.001+08:00

I don't need it.

See how that screws up things.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I'm trying (not to spoil this fo you)!

2009-07-24T16:25:00.004+08:00

...but...

...and...

...and then omg...

...then there's...

...what's more...

...THIS too...

...keeps going on...

...here...

...and there...

...on and on and on...

...ARGH!!!

I want to CRY

I really am crying inside...

I know its not right to think of this right now... but 2. more. F*****'. years! How will I survive... How...

Here is a lovely song from a lovely (looking) movie called Tegami (translation from Japanese: Letter(s). I got to know/hear of this song from one of my favorite cartoons Sonic X starring Sonic the Hedgehog of course =D It played during one of those really intense, emotional scenes... a boss fight scene... I was crying buckets while watching it... how do they make anime so good?!

Kotoba ni Dekinai by Kazumasa Oda (of Off Course)

Y'know what, I think I just might as well post other great soundtrack from Sonic X.

I feel like a proper kid again hearing all these songs. What would I do without them?

Here's the first opening theme of Sonic X. Thank you to juiceala on Youtube for this compilation. Its the full version of the opening song played along with the two opening videos as well a some snippets from ending videos:

Sonic Drve by Hironobu Kageyama and Hideaki Takatori

Another upbeat one... Thank you to ZorkTheHedgehog on Youtube for uploading this video. I like first few seconds much... this is the 2nd ending video of Sonic X season 2:

T.O.P. by KP & URU

In other news:

Had a Maths test today.

...

...

...

Chemistry test on Monday, Bio test on Tuesday or Thursday, Driving test on Thursday, Rach coming home, Mom taking a "break", Deadpool movie coming out as sheer awesome-ness...

Before all of that, right between the previous paragraph and the last 3 dots, is English Literature Analyses.

Whoopeeeeee!!!!!

...

I'm not gonna do that again.

Then revision and revision and study.

I really want white paint now.

But oh well. Back to the revision. HAPPY WEEKEND TO ALL!!!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Obsessed

2009-07-19T02:17:00.009+08:00

Haaahaahie

Some say being obsessed is bad and unhealthy.

Others say it verges on madness and a trip to the looney bin.

More say its all right so long as it is under control.

I very much support that last opinion.

I got it under control.

Dear Lord how will I survive until 2011? Hopefully I will be busy enough with real life to stave off this madness? Guh.

Y'know its just so amazing how things have fallen into place for Deadpool's and Ryan Reynolds' dreams! Its so uncannily curious and perfect... both actor and comic character are Canadian, have just about near matching attitudes and personalities, AND freakier Deadpool even mentioned (in his comic book Cable and Deadpool #2 omg I sound like a dork but screw that this is fun) that (under his mask) he looked like RYAN REYNOLDS crossed with a shar pei (whatever that is...?) and its just so fucking awesome how everything has turned out until this year and omggggggggggg I can't fucking wait for the movie argghhhhhhh its gonna be the fucking coolest movie ever I just know it and I bet it'll even beat X-men Origins: Wolverine so badly heck it will even own The Dark Knight over and over because yes Deadpool is THAT awesome like how House MD pwns all other blarney and that's another thing with the pop-culture references that's just what makes the best the best yessssss its destiney

Bliss.

Okay kiddies this is where things get seriously into it so stop reading or skip to the end if you couldn't handle the first long paragraph. I was pilfering through info on Deadpool and what did I find... Deadpool's first ever appearance in a Marvel comic was in the year... 1991... YEAH BABY 1991 Deadpool is 18 years old of age in existence '91 babies be very very proud of yourselves I know I am!!! Then Deadpool made his debut in 1997 with his very own comic Deadpool (6 years old then... life back then was quite good quite good) For a few years the comic was great until writer Joe Kelly took off after his last finale issue Deadpool #33, which after that was taken over by Christopher Priest and others to continue, which was... "NOOOOOOOO I can't bear to read any further!!! Its just not the same!!!". Then even more spinoffs were concieved like Cable and Deadpool which stays true enough to Deadpool's original character. Deadpool even gets sweet crossovers and eye-pooping fights against Wolverine, Bullseye, Spiderman!!! AUGH #611 of Amazing Spiderman written by the comeback JOE KELLY HIMSELF is coming out in NOVEMBER and I have to suffer in excitement until then!!! AUGHHHHH

Things will get even weirder after thi

SO YEAH imagine every fan of Deadpool with ADD-type personality (hey! not mine... I took this term off a site with great bio on Deadpool) going ecstatic at the very news of a spinoff movie... Fucking hell screw the first X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie (I haven't watched yet) I'm going straight to the next one... From the many angry reviews and discussions I have seen, Deadpool in X-MO:W was great by Ryan Reynolds but went to shit at the end fight. Yes, I agree with them (critics), he looks horrible! He's been mangled beyond recognition. Seriously when I first saw a pic on how he looked in the last fight... "Who the hell is that??? Never seen that character around before... wait. Oh my god. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...." Very sure millions of other Deadpool fans shared the same despair. After promising performance in the beginning of the movie fans are left disgusted by the outcome of Deadpool vs Wolverine but wait a minute the fiiiiinal shot shows a Deadpool signature saying that its not ovah... No, its not over. What a relief!!! THERE WILL BE A SPINOFF THANK THE LORD and the world goes nuts

=D

Yeah we all know its gonna be so kickass, only if the following conditions are followed... ONE 20th Century FOX does NOT get INVOLVED with the PRODUC-TI-ON so that Deadpool can stick more to his true story and not be censored for kiddies. Kiddies love Deadpool the way he is too if the comics can be as such then the movie can so definetely stay true the comic too! TWO heaven-sent DIRECTOR(s) and PRODUCER(s) and TRAINER(s) come to Earth and make this kickass movie and shape Ryan Reynolds for his kickass role. THREE supporting actors must be KICKASS and appropriate of course. Have heard very reasonable and good casts for other characters, they are perfect. FOUR don't screw up or rabid Deadpool fans will stone you...

I still find it so utterly amazing though... Ryan Reynolds uniting with Deadpool role... I can smile all night long at that... Ryan Reynolds, who played legendary Van Wilder, the father in The Amytiville Horror (hmm... the room suddenly felt chilly...), played Hannibal King in Blade: Trinity (allows him experience in acting comic book character roles...), acted in the sitcom Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place (back then in the booming Astro days always liked the sound of the title but never got down to watching this), married to Scarlett Johansson AND will manage two major comic book characters Deadpool and The Green Lantern which comes out in the same year, 2011. Say it. He's the man.

I'm happy to the point where my face hurts from smiling too much... and tears of joy are shed for the coming of this movie... I just need to scream again for a bit... brb... ... ok I'm goood. I mean, its just so great to simply read about it... here especially in this sequence I'm ripping off Wikipedia which I thank most kindly for providing good info (WARNING: some spoilers are crossed out):

Film
Deadpool appears in the Hulk Vs Wolverine section of the animated film Hulk Vs,[69] voiced by Nolan North. Deadpool acts ~~as one of Professor Thorton's henchmen~~ (alongside Lady Deathstrike, Omega Red, and Sabretooth) ~~in the Weapon X program, seeking to capture Wolverine and the Hulk in order to brainwash them and convert them into the ultimate weapons.~~[70] This version of the character constantly jokes around, much to the annoyance of Omega Red and shows characteristics similar to that of the comics.

...reading that, I went gaa-gaa then ecstatic then a little sad then REALLY bummed because the download for that is reaaallly getting on my nerves cmon baybee faster you can do it

Then this (WARNING: some spoilers are crossed out):

Deadpool appears in the film X-Men Origins: Wolverine, played by Ryan Reynolds.[71] He appears to be a highly skilled, wisecracking mercenary. Alluding to this, Colonel William Stryker claims that he would be the perfect soldier if he could keep his mouth shut. Later in the film, Sabretooth claims that Wade was killed off screen. However, Wade was in fact used to become "Weapon XI" a.k.a. the Deadpool (portrayed by both Reynolds and Scott Adkins), possessing other mutants' powers, including Wolverine's healing factor, Scott Summers' optic blasts, and John Wraith's teleportation power. He also possessed two long adamantium blades extending from his arms. Under the remote control of Stryker, Deadpool begins fighting Wolverine, and seems to be overpowering him, until Sabretooth returns to assist his brother. Wolverine then eventually gets the upper hand and cuts off Deadpool's head. In some copies of the theatrical release, there is a post-credits scene in which Deadpool's hand is seen reaching for his severed head, at which point, he opens his eyes and makes a noise.[72]

Okay, I might've ruined the movie for myself but what's important is the NEW one so its okay if I don't see the fail of a character in the first one. Next... hohoho I jumped with joy...

As of May 6, 2009, it has been reported that a spin-off of X-Men Origins: Wolverine starring Deadpool is in development, and Reynolds is attached to reprise his role.[4] According to Empire magazine, Reynolds is already attached to star, a script is in early development, the hunt is on for a director, and Deadpool will gleefully break the fourth wall during the film.[73]

The fourth wall... broken. YESAH! =DDDDDDD ARGH DEADPOOoooooll...... and then that's where I noticed something peculiar... "As of May 6, 2009..." "wait... that's... OMG that's near my birthday!!! oh wait. 6th of May over there in US/Canada... while the time zone here... assuming they found this news out at about 11-12AM on that day then means it would have been... the 7th... OMG THIS NEWS WAS ANNOUNCED ON MY BIRTHDAY THIS IS THE FUCKING GREATEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVAHHHH" is what I thought when I read it... sigh see this is what too much Lit does to you. You start looking for everything and anything about the text and find so many exciting details... but seriously I accept this awesome present even though I didn't know this news came out on that day... and of course there are other great birthday presents I've gotten bfore like the nice jersey from Shaegan and Johnny Depp biography from Rach and girl director from Mommy and cool cool drawings of bunnies from Nick, Amy, Anna...

Still smiling and tearing. Guh.

This has been a rant.

Brain has turned to mush.

I have progressed 2 paragraphs on my analyses.

Looked again at more info on Marvel characters and found astonishing revelations... Scarlett Johansson will play Black Widow in Iron Man 2. Black Widow is quite a popular crossover character and has curious connections...I see Deadpool among the listed... I foresee many more a movie come sprouting... and:

Iron Man 2 is an upcoming 2010 superhero film, based on the Marvel Comics fictional character Iron Man. This film is directed by Jon Favreau, with Robert Downey, Jr. reprising the title role from the 2008 film Iron Man. The film will be released on May 7, 2010.

=O

Its like Xmas everyday now... isn't it? Like years worth of Xmas gifts come as this wonderful news... Next year and the year after look like very good years...

Samuel L. Jackson reprising as Nick Fury... for another 8 movies after the first Iron Man movie. Way to go.

I'm gonna read more Cable and Deadpool. Have a good life people. Find something you love and stick to it.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Distractions are good at the moment

2009-07-16T16:32:00.003+08:00

Things I have accomplished...

Bought enough soap to last till graduation.

Thinking a little happier.

Doing a little more work.

Lengthening attention span.

Things I have failed to accomplish

Take driving test omg the bloody lesen L must be photocopied and given to the office and sign off and schedule and so much other miscommunication

Fix comps why lar why

get white paint though I'm not painting anytime soon I want to get it as soon as I can get it so that when the urge to paint arises I wouldn't go ballistic with the multicoloured paint bottle that used to contain pure white innocent paint and crouch in a corner and emo on how I can't make lighter tones of the watercolours then finally decide to sleep off the urge to paint...

Blog more about studies... yeah, this hasn't happened since the last I said this...

more. much more.

I still love freedom.

I mean, who doesn't?

But we all need it. Its some kind of instinct. I implode under pressure. Some days I expect it, on others I dread it oh-soo-much and today since an hour ago my neck and head aches. Butt ache. Back ache. A straight posture makes it worse, somehow. Let it not be more than just a little pain because good things come... there's good things to do... good things to really look forward to... hm..hmm...

I Love You, Phillip Morris starring Jim Carrey, Ewan McGregor
X-Men Origins: Wolverine starring Hugh Jackman
X-Men Origins: Deadpool starring Ryan Reynolds
The Soloist starring Jamie Foxx, Robert Downey Jr.
Hulk Vs. Wolverine starring The Hulk, Wolverine aka Logan, Sabretooth, Deadpool...
Oscars
perhaps every other Dreamworks movie
Deadpool comics
Saiyuki Reload vol. 9 and 10
omigodomigodomigodjustthethoughtofkyaaaaah

And not forgetting analyses. I never forget, but I try to sometimes, in hope that I would get to it the second I remembered it again. I have never forgotten.

There's not much work cept that. I should be grateful. I AM. I really really really am. Its just that I have reason to be extremely happy and excited.

Now I'm gonna goooooo and do my stuff.

Thank God Its Friday. Have a happy weekend everyone.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Waking up

2009-07-15T15:48:00.002+08:00

Hohohohohohohoho

Xmas come early? lol

Life is good.

Why, you ask? No reason.

Life is that good.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

P.S. I'm buying soap today!

The easier look

2009-07-14T16:14:00.002+08:00

Denial can be so dangerous.

I'm done explaining life. I can't use the time for living life to explaining life. Redundant. =>Love that word for gutting the truth out.

Explanations are like a full stop. A finish line. After explaining something... what next. You'll run out of things to explain; or you would explain the same things in equivocation; or you would twist and bend the truth until it becomes nothing but an inhumane monstrosity.

Been really touchy this year. Simply riled at any nuisance. Leg-shaking, knuckle-cracking, eye-twitching, toe-itching, back-aching, dementing, retarding agitation.

...

HUNGRY!!!!!

grrrrr

Things to do:

Bio papers and lab reading
Read Chemistry notes
Do own stuff little by little...
Think happy... sensibly happy
Math work. Happy gone flew away.

And another thing. Why the hell would someone want to change for the worse? Why. Why. Why. Even though I know the answers rationale would give, I'm still asking. I'd never be satisfied with rationale answers. They don't reassure me no more. In fact that's are the worst kind of consolement at this moment. Present emotions overwhelm the past by tenfold. Why... When the grief is so overwhelming who can think of anything? Soon the pain becomes part of you, and you can't tell the difference. You become a torn piece of soul from the universe, isolated, marooned in your own emotions, like how a dying star becomes a red dwarf and can only burn out into rubble.

Such is what I understand from Dante Gabrielle Rossetti's poem The Woodspurge. Take a read.

Okay, so the point I intended to make melded with the poem's idea of grief. Darnit! Got distracted again!

I'm trying to find it in myself to change.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

How could I have ever afforded to give up the things I love, and why.

I'll take this chance to blog another day!

2009-07-11T18:45:00.002+08:00

I'm still wearing my pyjamas since last night.

Its a bright clouded evening outside. The sounds of the kitchen and dogs barking at trespassing folly partake their role in the neighbourhood commotion. It was such a wonderful, bright, windy, light clouded day. The cirrus clouds overhead in the afternoon sky were such a nice touch to the gentle atmosphere. Now there are distant stratocumulus reflecting misty shades of blue and pink.

And I'm at a table, squeezing a feathery pillow in half, seated in an intense but comfortable position in my chair, on my computer reading...

...Deadpool. YARHHHHH!!!!

Okay. I'm not an up-to-date-to-every-issue-of-Marvel-comics fan, but I love a character that simply jumps out of the comic with satirical lines and complete sense of comic physics. The meanest, craziest, most demented, really pushes the right buttons... He's the coolest Marvel comic book character EVER!!!

Okay, so I'm too engrossed in the comics (aquired via torrent) to be generous enough to explain further... you would have to have heard and seen him in X-men Origins: Wolverine, or at least seen the creatively made videos of ItsJustSomeRandomGuy(and Gal) about Marvel and DC (and Dark Horse - Hellboy) comic characters, or you were already a Marvel fan and you knew all that and you're thinkin while reading this "This is so amatuer... of course Deadpool is da coolest yo" and stuff like that. Okay, so this entire paragraph, no, this whole entry about Deadpool is completely exaggerated, so if you wanna find the truth just watch the few videos made by ItsJustSomeRandomGuy(and Gal) featuring Deadpool and you'll know what I mean.

He looks like a villain at first, evil and a little outta whack. But then the action starts then you pick up on the destruction he's capable of, always looking out for his own and treating others like toys and crap... then all of a sudden there's a critical situation and he goes and does the noble thing and saves lives... such an antihero. I haven't watched X-men Origins: Wolverine yet but I nowknow Ryan Reynolds plays Deadpool, and will appear in the next spin off X-men Origins: Deadpool which I so wanna watch when it comes out! I really feel like a kid again reading Deadpool comics. Its simply that distinct attitude that's so delectably fun. =D

On to another to do list:

FIX THE DAMN COMPUTERS (am I not even trying??)
GET NEW SOAP (bar soap, liquid soap, bath foam... whatever it is I NEED SOMETHING TO GO WITH MY HANDS WHEN I AM WASHING THEM)
WHITE PAINT (the bloody Buncho is seriously, utterly contaminated.)
FOCUS ON A TASK FOR 5 MINUTES STRAIGHT. REPEAT. (practice... I need to lengthen my attention span... somehow I know this doesn't work without prior great motivation... and food)
BLOG MORE ABOUT STUDIES (I know this method helps a "little". Leetlee bitty bit. But it helps, which I much need)
more to come

There is a jogging event on the 19th July 2009, Sunday. 9 km. Meet at 6am. Charity event, donations go to spastic children. Do or die cause I'm going for it... one for the children!

I have to blog more formally again soon thanks to restarting madness that is Literature analyses. Shall be stoic and unfunny during that time. Do not fear because I shall implement the occasional outburst as such:

YARGH THE FRIKKIN PRINTER or

KYAHHHH EWANNNNN or

WOOOHOOOWEEHEEWAAAHAAAHAHAHAHA etc y'know

Ooh and I think I have an outburst at the ready...

I watched RENT!!! That Dvd has been around the house for years and my mom and I finally watched it and it was grEEEAAT! Its a Broadway musical, and the songs are superb. How could we not have watched such a treasure like Rent all this time tsk tsk tsk

Alrightey back to comics, then maybe some ebooks too. Before that I will fix myself a snack.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Brain lag.

2009-07-10T16:28:00.002+08:00

I wrote 5 Sigma as my class on an assignment paper again. =S

I painted a rock. For joining the Arts and Crafts Club. ECA drive was today??? Well it was quite a show out there. Interesting dances and stalls. Me likey the Anime Club - Miss Charmaine with the kimono and sushi is quite the sporting one~ Things were crazy on the ground floor from even before college hours ended... close to 4.30 things finally toned down and everyone went their merry little ways. Besides the chaos and the disorientation of the crowd and noise, it was an enjoyable event.

Damn I'm hungry. I already ate brunch, but man I'm feeling hunger pangs for an hour now. I'm not supposed to be hungry till at least 6.30. DAMNIT I will not give in!

Techno is nice. Always remember the tune, but I never knew who made it or what the song name is. Now I know... here's a few famous ones:

Nice.

The rock I painted was for me to keep. It looks... well, I think it looks like exactly how I had felt at that moment. Tried to make it look better... but always overdoing it. It just looks a mess. Ah well.

Can boredom kill?

Put it this way: Anything in excess kills.

And I'm just trying to stall time here.

Gonna be home soon I hope. Driving exam is next Thurs. I think I can I think I can I think I can.

Happy weekend everyone!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Quiet days

2009-07-09T15:53:00.002+08:00

Seeing the world in a different perspective is not such a bad thing.

Its great actually.

Its always easier to be open when there's no shame. =D

You must unlearn what you have learned.

You must see things in the light.

Sounds simple... enough.

Workie work.

In the midst of drowning in worry over work I realised that everyone has a pace of their own. Some people may appear slow or fast, but really its up to them how they want to live that life. No need for complicated and sophisticated language to convey this message, this is understood by default upon hearing (IMO?). If I could explain it in a more articulate manner...

One has a rhythm in the world. One begins at a normal pace - the pace in sync with the rhythm of the world, in tempo with the world's flow. One's connection is innocent and unblurred at the point of birth. Further into life, the rhythm begins its ups and downs, fluctuating according to experiences of life. One's rhythm is always moving, the rhythm could be calm or settled, but it doesn't stop moving. Throughout life, one mingles with others, different rhythms intertwining, forming symphonies and melodies, some even conflicting or disturbing the other's rhythm. Some become smooth and wavy, haphazard or irregular, all pertaining a distinct wave of their own. Some are similar, some are exactly opposed. When a lone rhythm is by itself, there is still a rhythm of its own, its shape, magnitude, direction and speed all depending on the user's life.

wheeeee

I'm hungry again!

Gotta eat gotta eat

Me doing work in i-Zone of Taylor's. Searching for every little answer on the internet. My handwriting hasn't changed since end of Primary school. I guess I don't work well with change. No. Not at all. Especially when I'm not prepared for it. More so when I don't even know what's hit me.Yeah, I'm stubborn.

Hunger

My mind has been fresher for a short while now... surprisingly. I can actually understand a day of lessons now. Amazing. I was even able to wake up this morning on my own... 6AM... then even had time enough to bathe, think of what to wear, make pancakes and set the table... I surprise myself.

However that doesn't stop the occasional neck pain and aching back. Less neck pain overall, more pack pain in college. Persevere, persevere.

Classes is much quieter nowadays. The absence of some few people is forebording. Where did they go? Today there were only 12 girls in the class. Teachers asking questions for reassurance were answered with uncomfortable shifts and murmurs. What to do, what to do.

Ooh! This movie, Ponyo made by Hayao Miyazaki (you've never heard?!?! GO SEARCH AND SMACK YOURSELF IN THE HED) is coming August 14th!!! Got to watch! Liam Neeson, Tina Fey, Matt Damon are some of the voice actors!!! I KNOW!!!

Anyway. Back to work. Relax and live well everyone.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Lil by lil

2009-07-06T17:12:00.002+08:00

The songs on the player of my blog loads.

The anxieties in my mind overthrow.

My adapt to change grows.

The ol' Cacatan makes its comeback.

My fascination for things I used to see and now see again.

The annoyance towards the unprinting printer stacks.

Okay, the annoyance.

Its really unhealthy. Almost every second of the day I have something that doesn't agree. Tiny details that I shouldn't have bothered picking out in the first place simply aggravate me to my wits end! GRARG [foams at mouth] Can't find proper lyrics for Queen's Under Pressure either! Why is it not there?! The damn printer isn't printing my stuff again! This damn chair will be the death of me!

[pant pant]

You need to back off backoff BACKOFF

GRRRRrrr....

So.

Day passed fair enough. Late for Math, failed to bind Bio manual, skipped Thinking Skills for a talk, almost skipped Lit to go for a repeat of the talk, got talked out of the talk and went to discuss English Lit papers with a whole lot of digression. More and more pleased about the realness of UK from the talk. More and more piss-scared from the realness of my results now.

Didn't realise the computers here were THIS slow... I want to listen to Under Pressure for at least just once without any stops or glitches... please?

Oo... I got Adibah's blog... thank you! Adding link to the side bar...

I'm DONE with impressions. Just. Done. I'm just gonna be myself. OKAY? No more bothering with the tiny little YOU. Okay? I can't even begin to explain how much problems arise from peer pressure or upkeeping impressions.

I'm missing how the sky used to look like when I was a kid.

I want lasagne. Cheesey goodness stuffed with mutton bits. Mmm

I feel a bit like Garfield: lazy, overweight, cynical, easily irritable

Oh yeah... a few days ago I had a feeling Simon Cowell reminds me a bit of Garfield. This is when I was reading interviews on AI. I had the distinct impression that his attitude is similar to a Garfield... errrr....

Best to be off. Gonna go home and read kiddie books.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

People change

2009-07-05T23:15:00.002+08:00

Focusing on a single goal? Gimme a break!

--

Got tons of stuff to do. First things first, get immediate, emergent stuff done. Then get necessary things done. Then get personal stuff done. Easier said than done. But there aren't any exams on the horizon (not for another month) so I should be getting these things done...

emergent thing
renew L (omfg it expired!)
check on testi
pay up semester and exam fee
fix comps (omfg I know... still not done...)
make somthin outta that drawer
PASS driving test (omfg.)
to be continued...

While I'm at those, I have to remind myself at ALL TIMES to do the following:

the fees are THAT much
my results are THAT much
my attention span is... oo omg EWAN!
my chances are THAT much
comprehend what is happening here, there, everywhere, heck anywhere...
go back to roots of old Cacatans
enjoy doing homework with bgm Offspring and techno
see life as I used to... same concept applies even at times like these, despite the huge changes in these past 10 years.
be not afraid of change

That last point there... I realise more and more now. For a few years I've been afraid if everything just goes boom crash and burn for no apparent reason. This is just a childish fear. There's always a reason and understanding of why disasters happen, and if they did happen there's always a way to pick yourself up again. Even if your legs and arms got chopped off, there is always a way to live. That's life. Survival.

For that childish fear, I stowed away. I should've embraced that fear and let fate take me where I go. I can't save everything. I just have to let go and move along.

This neck pain definetely has something to do with this problem. It only comes when I think of certain things. So the cure has got to be amending this way of thinking. This mind set.

That's another thing... mind sets. Its the way we think, the way we see, and though it is designed to our advantage, they can be prisons. We could be missing out a whole different angle to life. There's bound to be a blind spot somehwhere, because not everything in life is certain when we sometimes think it is. All it takes is a directly opposite way of thinking to confront you, and conflict ensues.

Maybe this doctrine on life doesn't mean as much as intended now, but I hope in the future I could look back at this reminder in case I boom crash and burn.

I'm still short on life experience, so I can't relate to advice in a million different ways yet. Much to learn on the path of life, there is. Lol.

Oh yeah... I almost forgot one more reminder...

Love.

ViatoretVenus

Anachronistic

2009-06-26T21:31:00.002+08:00

The neck pain is really argh.

Its impossible to turn back time.

But there are other ways to relive the past.

Glorious ways! =D

History never dies. Weell, that's only if it can be remembered. So all the goody things that are remembered lasts forever.

Imperfection the new perfection?

OHmiGOD college starts AGAIN in 3 days?!?!! NOOOOOOOOOOO

Starting to (or always have) get annoyed with college. Things seem so much at a crawl. A snail could go faster. Gotta grit my teeth passing the time.

Cure this, science?

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Only for the Understanding (query...?)

2009-06-25T22:27:00.005+08:00

Whatever the feeling is, its burning, scalding my body.

Neck pain.

Headache, incapable of rational thought, buzzed perhaps.

This great movie is supposed to be out already.

But instad I hear its only gettin released Feb next year.

I've heard so many videos I'm starting to aquire a Scottish accent.

I remind you, only for the understanding. Watch at your own risk.

Now, readers..

Suffer the same as I have...

Love,

ViatoretVenus

What is enough?

I almost died....

2009-06-25T02:38:00.004+08:00

... from laughter:

Prior to this find I watched some dozens of short parodies of Star Wars, this is the climax.

I'm so high on laughter.

I will watch it again...

And hence my answer to what I've been doing these days.

Haha,

ViatoretVenus

P.S. NOW I reallyreallyreallyreally wanna watch "I Love You Phillip Morris".

I enjoyed this

2009-06-24T00:51:00.003+08:00

Prior to watching this movie I further enjoyed watching the Star Wars prequel trilogy. Then I watched the original trilogy. Then I watched repeats of good scenes. And then every time I see or hear of Obi-Wan Kenobi or Qui-Gon Jinn, I cry.

This parody was worth my time...

Love,
ViatoretVenus

Agitated

2009-06-20T15:32:00.003+08:00

Can't wait.

Impatient.

What do I want?

To watch "I Love You Phillip Morris", Prison Break, House, CSI...

Urgh.

Last night I went for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead at KLpac. Saw familiar faces among the audience... The play was funny enough, but annoying, okay really annoying. But nevertheless I lasted to the end... and then ARGH there's a priest in black robes - flashback to Ewan wheee... suddenly I was awake and straight in my seat, and his words were soo clear, loud, everyone else was quiet... how much more of this priest madness ust go on?! Now I'm even scouting for Ewan's movies... yeeesh but wheeee he's starred in movies with William Fichtner and Hugh Laurie wahahahahha (Black Hawk Down and Valiant (voice actor), respectively).

The neck pain is now the cause of my headaches.

Other than that, the holidays are passing too fast because its already Saturday?! ARGH!!!

There's no homework or assignments... much.... I think..... err....... better check that first..........

Well, even if there were, I'd be leaving it for the very bitter end. Just updating this much for now. Ewan =3

Love,

ViatoretVenus

P.S. Why Ewan looked so great in the movie - 3:32

2009-06-18T20:35:00.005+08:00

4分观光土豆 2009-01-01 23:35:50
妈的,这帮导演太有才了,把剧情搞得紧张复杂,扣人心弦,好看的不得了,今晚我都看了6集了还想看,除非我不想睡觉了,真他妈吸引人,佩服

-Comment from here on Prison Break Season 3 Episode 10: Dirt Nap

Translation:

(4th comment) (Tudou viewer) 2009-01-01 23:35:50

Damn it, this is just too good a show, making the plot so complicated, heart-wrenching, it's too good a watch, tonight I've watched 6 shows and I'm still watching, that's only if I'm not thinking of sleeping, really that damned addictive, "Pei Fu" (-can also be somewhat translated to similar expressions like "GG" or "Nice one lah")

lol. Well said, kudos to PB.

The internet is finally working at home.

Well, actually, I think it had always been working, because its been left there since the last time I simply gave up trying to see what the hell was wrong with it. Yeah... that was about the time when I was so fed up with changing the wires to get the lights on the modem to just stay lighted up and stop blinking... Now after about 5 or 6 months... jeezzzz. Today, thanks to also finally fixing up the Airport from USA, I found out that the internet was not dead, and that it actually, as I speak, works.

Muahahaha.

So what else is new that the world/ readers need to know? Over the past few months its like I've been missing out the usual little annoying detail in my posts, and with the internet up at home, I feel like there is a closer connection between me and the outside world.

So random things start popping into my head on what to blog about:

Frikking nagging pain in my neck... comes and goes like the sunshine in Msia... imagine.. hmm, I might need a better metaphor for that because I'm getting it right now!!! ARGH ARGH ARGH!!!

For a few sleepless and restless (actually full of dreamless sleep, but I'm telling a story here) nights, I thought about why this may be. I recalled my childhood days when I was 7 or 8, that I had some kinda problem in my neck, and maybe was linked to this problem. I even thought of other medical causes... but nah, that can't be right... so maybe its just stress, but what do I gotta be stressed about, consciously or unconsciously, when the pain is there right at the pulse point, nagging paiiiiin... anyway... other news...

2 months ago, I nearly sliced off a piece of my finger. My mom had bought a new bread knife, I used it to cut baguettes for dinner, for garlic bread. I was cutting, concentrating on applying the right amount of pressure to cut the hard bread, and then... hm, can't remember the sound effects but ARGH!!! MY BLOODY FINGER WAS BLEEDING!!! I was stupidly staring at the bleed, the flap of skin hanging off my finger, and some hurried movements around me... I went to the sink to wash it and THEN I felt the pain... then alas! Mom and Omi to the rescue - tissue and plaster!!! Yay... for a while there was a spike of pain, but after that, it didn't hurt at all, in fact I felt kinda happy and hyper after it was bandaged up while I was rendered disabled and relieved of my chores. It was on that night I realised why people cut themselves... its still meaningless to me though. I give my same reason: millions of other ways to make yourself "happy" out there y'know. Anyway, my finger got back to normal - the flap stuck back to its original place, though I do still feel the pain when I press down on the healed wound. So pain never completely heals from any wound huh...

Oh yeah... and the most disturbing of all things.

Mom and I finally watched Angels and Demons. WOOT the movie is a nice by itself and is reasonably good even when compared to the book, the numerous editings were okay, though the book was much more shocking, and would've made a hell of a lot longer movie, but that's all besides the point here... I had the strangest feeling, and I'm still wtf about it till today (I think I will be wtf for a long time...) but it was so amazing, so compelling, so captivating... I don't know whether many a wise mind would share my perpective, I mean, when I came out of the cinema I was shivering not cuz of the cold but because of Ewan McGregor. Stop me if I'm wrong, but Ewan was so irrevocably hot in that movie, whether it was because of his smooth, gentle air as his character as a priest, or was it his dark intentions and secret identity as the mastermind behind the whole Illuminati terrorism, or whether it was simply Ewan, or whether, stop me if I'm wrong (but you can't because I'm already writing it down, meaning: hell yeah this is right. you agree with me, right?), whether it was Ewan's undeniably sexy body perfectly outlined under those flowy black priestly robes... I first think... hell yeah he's hot... then WAIT JUST ONE BLOODY SECOND he's a priest in the movie for cryin' out loud. Then I'm thinking again "...but its Ewan... after all... wheeeeeee" and I stuck with that last thought. And here I am, even now, still marvelling at how amazing a man can look with an outfit like that... what the hell but damn.

Its been such a while since I was last compelled by a movie character. Whee... Seriously, when I was watching the movie, everytime Ewan appeared I was "oo" and "badumpbadumpbadump" and lol. Most of the time I was just concentrating on him and the killings done by the assassin, who was also way bad-ass. Too bad the assassin died, being a loose end in the Camerlengo's plans... then the Camerlengo lit himself aflame... sigh. Tragic but wheee

But then after that night things got weird. The next day I'm watching Astro, Channel 701, House MD. And who the hell do I see? Its that episode with the drunk priest who hallucinated Jesus... season 5 episode 15, and I'm like woah! instant flash back to Ewan. I mean, I've watched the episode twice before, that night was the third time watching it, and then my head turns 360 seeing the black uniform and I'm like what the helll! but hey, Ewan did look so wheeee..... so I watched that House episode again, for the third time, and found myself unusually drawn into the conversations between the priest and the House Crew. Before, I thought it was such an ordinary and mundane episode than the rest but now... I can see clearly now... now I remember almost every line of the episode... and I'm still wtf-ing after the show is finished. I switch to a different channel, a documentary, in hope of easing my poor mind, but no... no.... I just HAD to get a glimpse of a scene while manically switching in between channels - an interview on a priest, the same dark robes stark contrast against all else - and I don't know why (I actually know, the reason is ever so simple, but for story-telling purposes...) I just HAD to switch back to that channel and hear what the poor old man had to say. By the time I'd gotten the right channel the documentary had already moved on to talk about the reputation of monkeys between the church. THEN I realised how ridiculous this all was and turned off the tv. However thoughts on Ewan lingered... (Are you scared yet... I know I am)

I mean, its really weird. Most of my conscious thinking life, that's since I got a rough sense of my own mind since tween-age, I've pretty much hated, or disagreed (or both), the church antics. Maybe things weren't so good back then, maybe Christianity in Malaysian culture was a bit misled, or was that me simply misunderstanding, or maybe because I'm an adult now (ohmigosh I said it!) and I can think for myself for what I believe in? For a long, long time, I have been thinking of Christianity disapprovingly because I couldn't share the view in which I understood it from the teachings I learnt. That's to say, I've been taking its whole significance in a literal meaning from those that taught it, and I couldn't accept their teachings when so obviously in front of my eyes, everyone's eyes, there was chaos and disorder as opposed to the peace and harmony that Christianity insists we instil in our daily lives. Now as an adult, I'm supposed to understand. Yes, some I do, but still many doubts on fundamental truths, which are so difficult to answer, are still indeterminate - but they can't ever be certain, I know, yet there is that snappy voice of an adult telling me that nothing can't be known.

But now I know. Or should I say, now I CAN know, that God might not be real now, He is all around, that He is the power of life, or maybe He's really on his throne in heaven, or other futile theories but thanks to the scientific intervention, I can relieve myself a little from this confusion, look at history and the origins of Christianity and try to make some rationale out of the whole jing-bang. Now in this day and age, I believe it can be up to the individual to decide. Amongst all the chaos and mixture of religions to choose from, what better religion than to believe in yourself, or what you will.

Rare of me to talk about religion this way. How did I --? Oh yeah. Ewan. Wheeeeheeeheee.....

This is a long post. I miss long posts like these that's composed of random stuff. It's a joy typing them, I'm not sure for you readers but I kinda like reading them as well. When I look back and read these posts I can really relive the memory and be somewhat happy with myself. Posts like these are just a single stream of though flowing out of my mind, smooth, gentle... okay not always gentle I can be nasty too but you get my point. Ewan... =D (yes, the stream of thought is often laid with rocks and bends that disorientate and disrupt the flow sometimes....)

The pain in my neck moved down to my shoulders a while ago. Now its back to just my neck.

In the course of typing this post my mind wandered (what's new) and I came up with a theory on the pain in the neck. I recall from some movie, or was it a dream, or a book, well somewhere, that a large neck relates to a large appetite. I'm not sure whether its true (how could you be certain this is true without going through mountains of loops and wayward explanations that society demands?) but I think its quite accurate. The "appetite" is not just hunger but also passion, ambition. So I'm thinking this: the larger the size/diameter of the neck, the larger the appetite. And... hm. I lost my way. Darn it. I was gonna make some connection on the appetite cramping the vessels in the neck. Somehow I thought that would be helpful to the neck pain. Shall continue this later in blogging life. Hm.

Think that's pretty much enough elaborated random stuff for now. My Holidays are full thanks to the revival of the internet. CSI, House, Prison Break, Heroes, Lee Chong Wei vs Lin Dan, perhaps a little Australian Footie, manga, movies... wheeeeee So I wish all readers a good holiday/life/luck(for exams)!!!

With a (disturbing) smile and laugh,

ViatoretVenus

David Caruso

2009-06-11T13:13:00.002+08:00

...

...

Brilliant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

Watch that, along with every other video with David Caruso in it. And really, really, seriously laugh your ass off. They don't make actors/producers like him no more!!!

My holidays are full now =D

Last paper tomorrow. Rejoice!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I had such lovely dreams!

2009-06-01T10:41:00.002+08:00

Last night, yesterday, Sunday 31st May 2009, I had two weird but great dreams. Sleep had never been better. I felt like I was a kiddie again, like when I used to have weird dreams when I was in primary school. They felt like really long dreams, in different scenes but interconnected somehow, and kinda exciting, there was definetely some kind of storyline to it. I can remember most of it, but even then, you know how dreams eventually, gradually slip away from your conscious memory once you wake up.

I will blog about this later... I had taken a two hour nap in place of doing work, and then another 6 hour sleep, the two periods of time which I had those two epic dreams. So, today I stay in the library to revise and get work done, then revise sommore hopefully, then I will finally blog about the dreams.

Eating chocolate in a cold place like this really helps. Me eating half a jumbo bar of Cabury Milk Chocolate in the library. Give meh the strength to finish this Lit work!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

One of the few things I found interesting today

2009-05-29T18:15:00.003+08:00

http://www.despair.com/whining.html = lol

Today I'm reading from start to finish David Starr Jordan's The Philosophy of Despair. In the process for searching for the link of the ebook, I found that other link. I think some of those pictures are featured in Condition Zero: Counterstrike in the Office map. They're called "Demotivators". They got a whole list. Quite demotivating =D. Love em!

The book on the other hand is a whole different thing. Its the first "book" I can read in a long time without feeling my eyes droop to the floor or repeat reading the same line 5 times just to comprehend. Its is very easy to absorb and relate to. All the more therapeutic. Along the way I was bound to cry somewhere...

Its just in the evening and I'm in the library of my college. Just me, and in front of me some 30 meters, some guy with his back faced to me, in the library. He's reading the newspapers, and I'm typing on bloggie (oops, borrowing Stella's word here xD). I've seen his face, and it looks strangely familiar. The air he carries makes it more nostalgic... he looks like one kid I knew in primary school. He was a smart guy, real smart, but kinda fierce and cold. He was a prefect, PTS jumper, top 3 in class, monitor (yeah, you could be both monitor and prefect back then in that crazy little chinese school), and his prominent (??) feature: short. No one messed with the short huffy guy. No no. One word from him like "WhaAt?@" and even the bullies, the seniors, back away. Yeap. Scary guy. No one messes with scary kid. I still remember his name, a few things of what he did, and what others thought of him. Didn't really like him. Don't know what happened to him after he jumped away, or any other of the PTS jumpers for that matter. I dunno. Maybe this guy in front of me simply carries that same scary aura of that kid. That kid is probably long gone... chasing head on to his future like he always had.

Whereas this guy in the library has a ominous aura to be wary of, sort of darkish, gloomy glow around him, quite similar to scary kid's effect of a piercing stare and scowl. This guy seems a little sluggish with his draggy feet, but don't all kids, when they grow up to be pimple-pinching, hormone-racing teenagers, get bored with the world and slow down? Hm, now I'm not sure whether I'm trying to convince myself that this guy just reminds me of scary kid, or that this guy is him.

Can't be too much help if he is.

In other news, yesterday the Moral Scene Investigation by Vivien Gouk and Claire Wong was submitted to Mr William. Its an awkward little video about an immoral act, which we did on Bribery and Blackmail. It was damn awkward, but it turned out okay, and when doing the subtitles I had some joy in hearing the dialogue over and over again, the awkwardness dissipated. Besides that, the class experienced a hectic lesson throughout Moral. I came late with my part of the presentation, just in time. Then with hesitance (is this a word? I'm too absorbed to check...), the fragments of Social Moral Theory came into play. Ugh. Please. I am still not used to group projects and presentations. Spare me. PLEASE.

Not much other activity this few days. Just me checking up random stuff and studying random things. Tests came back negative, y'know? Should be going soon. So have a good day readers! And Have a Lovely weekend!!!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Acceptance

2009-05-28T15:28:00.002+08:00

I based my future on a dream.

I thought I could change this way of mine.

I never wanted to. I just thought I could for the sake of it.

So I proved myself wrong, that I couldn't change who I was.

And now I can't ever change.

Is that good or bad?

=)

ViatoretVenus

P.S. Exams in 2 weeks. Holidays in 3. Deadline for lit on the 1st. Time to piece the broken puzzle back together in its original beauty.

While the time shifts

2009-05-19T12:26:00.003+08:00

I tried playing insaniquarium deluxe while mind-reading the play A View From The Bridge by Arthur Miller.

Didn't work out exactly as planned. Hard to concentrate on the role when you're distracted clicking on coins and gems drifting to the bottom of the fish tank.

How do these people study with this much noise? I can hear their revision through Fastball on earphones. Wrong to think that it'd be all quiet on the exam floor.

This month of May, I forgot a lot of things. Chapters and chapters of my book of knowledge have somehow disintegrated. On and off, I get a pounding, numbing sensation on my nape, threatening to explode and dislodge my head.

I need to focus of course. I want to explain this idea, theory that I have put together, but like before I have failed to grasp the way of explaining it. Things are so much easier to understand than needing to explain. Take an idea, or some facts, you can put them together in your head simply, then conveying the structure of your opinion is entirely different for me. To explain it is to communicate the significance and meaning of that opinion, and upon doing that, I miss out points and details that rue the understanding for the other person. The world should train themselves to be psychic. That way maybe a fraction more of human thought could be understood, without having to deal with the stresses of communication problems.

Besides that garbage of twisty words, college life is getting less workier. Why? Oh yeah. Exams. The friggin exams are on June 8, and I'm still not doing anything frantic to save myself from flunking. Partly, no, mostly because of air, then there's insaniquarium, which I rejoiced with an evil laugh after managing to open the damn .RAR file with a free trial WinRar after 3 days since I dowloaded the compressed game.

Its maddening. Addicted, going blind, flunking, rude, distant. The only one to stop it is me. What am I doing?

"GAH get that coin get that coin!!!@"

"FUCKING SHITASS MONSTERS FUCKING DIE DIE DIE YOU FUCKING DARE EAT MY FISH HURH?!?!?! THEN I KILL YOU KILL KILL DIE DIE DIEEEEEE"

"BLARDY STUPID MOUSE SPOIL ARR!?! CLICK THE FUCKING FISH LAR MAKE ME DIE ONI HAVE TO RESTART ALL AGAIN BLARRRRDY..."

...and so on.

Def Leppard, The Scorpions, Saiyuki soundtrack and The Offspring prove to be very calming and destressing. Good good.

Today at college is very free and easy. Especially for the Malays. Lucky them. Oh wait, even more so for Stephanie. Jeez. She only has 3 classes out of 8 today. Holidays come early? Mr Andrew on MC, leaving us with a double class of fun and games. The only highlight of the day is English Literature, just acting... What did I wake up early for today? What did I rush for? You want the time to pass, or you want something to happen, but most of all you really want this to be over and done with, you want to get to the end without having to crawl through on broken glass and splinters, you want it finished.

Mad. That's what you become. When you get too bored. Scientifically, it is brain damaging. Being inactive reduces blood flow to the brain, less blood flow and less brain activity, your brain deteriorates. Might as well end the wait, rather than being brain dead.

All this is just an attempt to jump start myself back into normalcy, you know, the happier, funnier side. The place where it didn't matter who you are or what you were before, live for the moment. How many more people have wished for that? How many actually did get out of this air?

Then again, its all just in the mind.

I think I can come up with a song for that...

You know the feeling when you really want to say or do something but for the sake of some moral issue, you can't? This is one of those moments now... cept I don't fucking care anymore.

Swap the word for another to see the same point that I try to make.

If you call me crazy, I will be crazy for you. I can be crazy, I will if you want me to, I sometimes even want to be crazy, don't mind it. Sometimes I have to be crazy, sometimes I need to be. I would be crazy if it were any better for me or for you. I would be crazy if it came to it. While all this talk makes me seem crazy, maybe I am crazy, maybe I am, but of course I am. I am crazy. I don't deny. I understand the meaning, and this is how it is. But you say I'm crazy. I don't disagree at all. You are absolutely right. I am crazy. I do not say that out of indignation and revolt. I say it with pride and confidence. I say it because I know I can be more than crazy. I am not just crazy. Crazy is just a part of me. I am not just defined by that single word. I know what I am. I am crazy, I am also the opposite, I am none and I am all. So when you say I am crazy, I agree with you, because you are right, but when you say I am just crazy, then you are so, most mistaken. I am not just crazy. I can be crazy. I am crazy. Most of all, I am much more than crazy. The mind has conjured the infinite amount of words that portray this character. I am everything, yet nothing. In the end, I can be anything. I am human.

Its a given that its very therapeutic and destressing to relieve any suppressed inner thingies. None like this... this feels great! :D Using crazy for the word is just me... it works for any other adjective I suppose. I think crazy is just the right way to put it.

Still looking for that answer that silences all questions... does that even exist? Is it even allowed to?

Ah but it is another hour of Insaniquarium that I indulge myself... :D Enjoy life readers!

Click,

ViatoretVenus

Woozy

2009-05-06T13:20:00.003+08:00

Wheeee

Moral Studies is looking up :D

English Literature is looking up :D

Wahahaha

Since Yesterday... no EngLit homework to do, except for studying and reading the next book of course, but no work! Finished analyses for Jane Eyre!$@#%$@# Incredible! OH yesah!!!

Rejoicing for these few days... at least until Thursday... today there's an exam, but hell there won't be any typing about the birds and bees in that silly little book... (It aint silly, and it aint little.)

I got my laptop on Monday. Its... just so beautiful. Dell Inspiron 15. Supposedly cost effective, and suited to a college student's needs... well, I love it. As for my old computers... err.. I still haven't gotten down to seeing to their problems... its like a bad affair.

There's so much to blog about. Where do I start? They're all just gonna come out in blunt sentences. I went to Australia and back. I love House and Wilson (together. iya~! <3). College life is so free and vacant (for now... >.< color="#6600cc">The theme is Victorian... long fluffy dresses with fancy curly hair??!?? Wait, that's not even it. What about presents!? Whadah hellemah gonnuh doo?!! No, I have to wish them Happy Birthday first... Their birthdays are on diff dates... and then mine... what do I want? Then on Sunday... a local play at KLPac (that how y'spellit?) Gah

Okay okay. So I can't get enough of Billy Joel Songs, I'm in no position to be sleeping peacefully without worrying about results, and I feel inappropriately dazed.

Then I am also picking up random information like what's the story of Vitriol or the history of drugs or actually trying to, or somewhat dilligently, yet mindlessly, argh whichever it is, taking notes off the whiteboard like a brainwashed kiddy.

I feel brainwashed. I know I am. Knowing is not enough, like they say. You must apply. I know nothing. I feel that everything I see and hear is just happening, but I have no depth to what it means. Airiness again. Yeesh stick a needle in my head and just pop the air bubble that is my mind...

Then there was that thing that I wanted to express my crazy, senselss, eccentric love for, but let me see...

OH YEAH THIS GAME IS SO TOTALLY AWESOME It is just so sososososososo addictive you HAVE TO PLAY THIS GET DONW TO DOING IT SOMEDAY Let me tell you the story ahem ahem it was a few weeks ago when I was coming back from Australia in the plane there were games and I clicked on one because it seemed interesting I was slow at playing it at first but them it was just so adorable and so addictive I continued playing for another hour then the stupid plane had to shut off the games so that they could land selfish bastards but I remember sweet memories of playing that stupid addictive game and I remember the name INSANIQUARIUM from that day on

I feel better after doing that. Don't mind actually trying to comprehend what madness occured above there. I feel much better... expression is a sacred release, especially if you could emit your stress waves into something interesting or beautiful. There is some inexplicable joy in simply spouting gibberish... I can see better what incomprehensible streams of words I am thinking of, and I can take a step back to see what it looks like. Disgusting, but at least its out of my system...

But seriously though the game was so fascinating. Its so cute how the little fishies grow up to be big fishies.. then the big fishies that you can buy eat up the little fishies... then there are those bastard monsters that eat up all the fishes... then there are the little sparkling coins that the fishies shit out... I just gotta have that game...

I shall download that game today heheheheheheh

These past few days, I keep feeling a burning, aching sensation on my nape. Is it possible, that you could consciously block blood flow to your brain? If you are stressed, your vessels constrict, and there's constricted blood flow, hence less blood flow to the brain, less brain cells get oxygen, more brain cells die? When you are stressed, your brain has the risk of dying. Mebbe that's why I haven't been up top with work lately. I need to destress! (don't we all)

Anyway, I shall return to the fridge that is my classroom. Enjoy these precious moments of life with happy thoughts~

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Dr James Wilson

2009-04-21T12:27:00.003+08:00

Kyaaaaa

Watch House and have fun :D

Bye,

ViatoretVenus

o.O

2009-04-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

o.O

Lol.

Today was hectic again. My brain lagged on the issue that is Jane Eyre. The list of work to do is as follows:

Jane Eyre Chapter 4 1st half of plot - Lit
Jane Eyre Characters of Chap 1-4 - Lit
Struggle for Independence - LAN .ppt
Math test papers (can't open them but have to do them somehow)
Journal - Lit

See how Lit dominates the worry list.

I have 2 hours to finish all that. Good luck to meh...

>.<,

ViatoretVenus

Not good

2009-04-01T18:09:00.002+08:00

I have to stop blogging for a while. Few reasons:

Work. Its getting too much, cutting too close to deadlines, change is in order!
Revision. I need to read on what's been taught and what's supposed to be in my mind.
Discipline. I thought that having a blog will practice consistency and routine. It did, for blogging. Only.
Life. I need to have one away from the comp.
Aussie. Going there for holidays. Let there not be a comp free for my use there.
Counter. I keep coming to my blog for the music. I need to leave it by its own to build up numbers. (...whaat...)
Backache. The more I sit in these chairs in Taylor's Sri Hartamas, the more uncomfortable I feel.
Air. It grows by the minute. Hoping my rehabilitation away from the computer is a good way to deflate it.

So, this will be my last post for a while. Be back after the exams, which is in June. Will only blog ICE. (...whaat emergencies...)

Before I go, I want to talk about my experience of Earth Hour.

Earth Hour is a blessed event.

You'd think it'd be great, no lights or electronic devices or televisions turned on, no power for a whole hour. You'd think everybody had got the idea through their head that we gotsta do something to help save Earth. You'd think that it'll be a quiet hour, silent hour, dark and calm, the night sounds hovering in the air, the only visible light is the moon and the stars.

You'd think that, you wouldn't have been invited over to a relative's house for dinner, not turn off the lights but instead chat the night away, go home late for Earth Hour at 9.00 pm to pass by a house stuffed with people in and out, parked cars congested all along the street, people drunk and rowdy, talking without a care, lights glaring, music blaring and plates piled with food on each table, left to rot in the humid air. You'd think that when you got home you could lie in the garden and watch the sky rotate before you, hear the distant hum of traffic some kilometers away, glimpse a shooting star. You'd think that when you got safely within the walls of your humble abode you'd be able to shut out the noise at least, and not have the disco woofer beats vibrate through the walls and find their way into your ears. You'd think that people had understood what Earth Hour means.

Ignorance is bliss?

I feel the pain now.

Anyway, I better go and rectify what I have not done. Will be away from 14th to 23rd April. So long.

Happy April Fool's Day. And happy birthday to those fools.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Refrain from Strain

2009-03-31T16:54:00.002+08:00

These past few weeks I've been forcing myself to sit up right and stand with a straight posture. I've been doing this so that I won't slump or curl unsightly in my seat. I think this is why I'm feeling the pain.

I shouldn't force it, but if I don't, I'll feel too comfortable, and before I know it I've stooped down to my old habitual slouch. When I was younger I could easily have sat up straight and corrected my posture, but now some muscle in my lower back is smarting. I feel shorter compared to when I was little, because there is barely increase in height after sitting properly, when I know there should be more. Sigh.

I've heard age is inevitable. I've heard once you start thinking like you're old, you get old.

>.<

It happens. Your sight is failing, body's aching, bones'r dissolving, balls'r shri--

So Today We Had A Lot To Do. English Literature, close to be blacklisted in my cacatans, is starting on a new novel, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. And I'm just about pinching my feeble brain to try and focus on this. Focus dammitFOCUS. Presented a huge mind map in the Introduction of the book, written by Stevie Davis. Just the introduction. After that we had more fun looking at slides on how we should arrange and write the info. And so, the group work is to work together in analysing the chapters of the book. We even had to declare rules and penalties for the group... How will this fare...

I am starting to understand Chemistry better. Today was a lab day, double period, but students (dunno from which course or intake >.<) are having their practical exams, so all the labs are booked. I thought it might have been gruelling to endure 2 hours in the classroom but then I remembered... its the merciful Mr Andrew! What could possibly be horrible about it? And sure enough he came in smiling, the contagious expression spread across the room, making it light and easy. He even let us off early. Good man, good man.

Bio was somewhat... how do you explain it? Not one of us was sure how to express our uneasy yet awkward lesson with Miss Charmaine. I feel it will definetely improve from here on out with a good start like that. Miss Charmaine is replacing Miss Surinder for the while, so she's teaching us as how she teaches, a slightly different style but nevertheless meeting the main objectives. That was about the 3rd time we have gone on the same topic of the syllabus though. Feeling a little worried about results...

Math was a relief. Miss Logesh didn't come because she had a meeting. There was a test, which became an exercise because she, Miss Logesh, didn't want to take the marks for that test (maybe our marks were becoming a problem...). I wish she had, because surprisingly for me, it was one of the more do-able tests. I'm not sure whether its still a test or not, because upon entering the classroom all was quiet and concentrated. Or maybe it was called an exercise to loosen the atmosphere so that we didn't stress our brains out, ah well...

LAN was a little dangerous. Mr William dolefully informed us that whoever's been missing class for more than 5 times will not sit for the semester exam, and those who haven't done their mind- map will have marks deducted. With that unsettling prospect in mind we sat through the lesson. It was about Malayan Union, its goal and its downfall. It was a good idea to have it, but it was abused in the end just like the many ideas of Malaysian leaders. To just understand what's going on in LAN I had to forget the bullshit shown on the front page of every newspaper, had to imagine and visualise that all those politics and mistakes did not just happen to Malaysia, just to learn the whole story from where those mistakes spawned.

Well that's the account for today. I'll leave a post about Earth Hour for another day. See you all~

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Neil Sedaka from Brooklyn New York

2009-03-27T19:13:00.002+08:00

Legendary voice.

-Laughter in the Rain by Neil Sedaka-

Strolling along country roads with my baby
It starts to rain, it begins to pour
Without an umbrella we're soaked to the skin
I feel a shiver run up my spine
I feel the warmth of her hand in mine

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside

After a while we run under a tree
I turn to her and she kisses me
There with the beat of the rain on the leaves
Softly she breathes and I close my eyes
Sharing our love under stormy skies

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside
I feel the warmth of her hand in mine

Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside
Oo, I hear laughter in the rain
Walking hand in hand with the one I love
Oo, how I love the rainy days
And the happy way I feel inside
(repeat and fade)

I tried to look for this song for my blog mp3 player... flash fetish don't have it :'( Grr. But its a nice song... so sweet...

Neil Sedaka was born on March 13, 1939.

He's not dead yet.

I post this because of this song. I've heard this song a fair few times on Light N' Easy but I always miss the song and artist. Then one fateful day my mom and I were in the car going home. I turned on the radio and I heard the last notes of the song fade away and the radio host take over... Even then I couldn't really catch his name but my mom filled me in. Neil Sedaka. An old, hubby, short guy. Singing such a song. BRILLIANT!

Neil Sedaka also sang this (supposedly) legendary song:

Happy Birthday, Sweet Sixteen by Neil Sedaka

Neil Sedaka is 5'5''.

On other happenings...

Tomorrow at 8.30 PM to 9.30 PM, turn off your lights in participation for Earth Hour!

Can you imagine how much electricity will be saved? That's alot. A lot! That's almost half the world's electricity powered off for an hour, saving an hours worth of bill cost and tax cost, an hour off from electrical appliances and disturbing static buzzing noises from halogen lamps or air-conditioning.

But I can't shake this weird feeling... what happens to that spare power? It just stays in the wires and decreases a bit of the heat in the atmosphere. I get this wild notion that some government or some unofficial company would take advantage of the situation and funnel that electrical power for their own use... like blacking out a town to power up a nuclear plant, that kinda thing. Nah. I've been watching way too many movies.

Well, I'll be enjoying the weekend in the meantime... Take care everyone!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

2009-03-26T16:25:00.003+08:00

Have you guys heard of Twitter? Handy little way to keep in touch with just a shoutout.

Nowadays I lack the motivation to blog on blogger.com. I can still blog, but the posts come out as bland and plain to me. Its forced effort typed out in this little blue box. I have a strong temptation to start blogging on my MSN page, where the themes are colourful and more creative to feed the air which is my mind.

But thanks to imagination, I can see those colours now, the vivid red and blue nature of the MSN blog headers and footnotes, those purple musical notes and brown bamboo shoots contrasting against a leafy green backdrop. The colours are burning, glowing, encapsulating my attention in those simple yet wonderful colours. And so, I am imbued again with the ability to express, to blog.

Many days have passed since my last statistic on the English Literature Analyses Report. So many undone, so many unfinished, so many unsettled. I think its getting old, how I try to convince myself aloud (in words, typing) that I must do it, else I suffer even worse workload from not completing this. Some gut-feeling turns my will against the whole regime. It is so... different. I've always noticed this difference. I've always watched it grow, shape and change the same way I do. I always knew it was there and I didn't bother. But now when I really see it... what have I let myself become? I let it morph into... I don't even know what it is. I just know, I can feel it weighing on my heart. Every conscious second, it is there, always distributing an even pressure on the ventral side of the beating heart.

This pressure has been there since I started thinking for myself. Is it guilt? Or insecurity? But I can overcome it then, I can free my heart from this weight. But the feeling... is it even a feeling? Is there a better word for it, its not at all sensation or emotion or instinct... it truly feels like my heart is being pressed down. Or is it all in the head, fear disfiguring perception?

What's with all these rhetorical questions? I need to do my work. Though I can never deny that something is there, even though it is just in my head.

I'm not making sense lately. Back on topic.

Today was nice. LAN was replaced by a nice little talk about Mind-mapping. By the time I got into Beta-Theatre, the room for LAN, Tony Buzan was already on the projector sceen talking about how mind maps work. Everyone was given an A3 paper and a set of crayons, and the room got cracking. I couldn't really think of what to do, there were so many things that I could mind map about. I thought about life, but it was too wide a topic. Thought of sports, but I couldn't think past the word >.<. Rgh... I can't think if I'm too hungry... dammit think think think OH! An energy-saving fluorescent halogen light bulb o.O lit up: FOOD. cue angel's voices

So I drew a cupcake in the middle of the paper with "food" on it, then branched out the points. Even then, I couldn't organise my thoughts properly (I was hungry... sadly I do not have the wonderful ability to feel full if I just imagine food) so I was slow to finish. I got MnMs for having a good mind map o.O and I was called out to present. It wasn't complete, and looked cacat, but I went with it. But oh well, I guess it was worth MnMs~

Thinking Skills improved too. Got the test results back. Now let's move on.

Chemistry was a lot of laughing about one person's sister dating one person's crush... Yesterday's Chemistry was about the hundreds of ties that Mr Andrew owns, thanks to his lovely relatives and friends on his birthday (its on CNY! xD) and Xmas. I imagine that he gets at least a few ties a year, because he said he has at least 150 ties and increasing. But he won't throw them out or give them away because he holds sentimental value for it... 150 ties man... As for today, we learned the new topic Chemical Kinetics... wonder what it was about. XP oops.

Math in the morning was OW! (Note: some exaggeration ahead) What's with this workload. I thought I'd rid myself of this routine, this senseless chore of completing randomly selected questions. Alright, they have some tricks behind them that I should practice upon, but so... soo... soooo much?! And you want it by Tuesday!?!?! No, Monday!?!?! [head explodes]

Bio lab work was very quiet and simple. Ms Surinder is on MC leave on account of her pending birth-giving, so Ms Sharmaine (is that how you spell it?) is taking over for the next 2 months. Today, we looked at some prepared slides of arteries and veins. Somehow this artery was larger than the vein, part of it had to be cut off so that we could see the whole thing through the microscope. It was simple: draw what you see, label, and go back to class! Woot~ Though Ms Sharmaine give a different air about the classroom... I wonder what's in store for us for these 2 months... please let it not be senseless homework! please!

Stopping awhile to not look at anything or anyone, not to worry or care of a thing, I truly feel bliss. I do. Admist the noise and the psychological violence that poisons the air that is my mind, I really feel thankful, grateful, and so happy. It is only in this state of calmness that I feel it, the powerful resonance like no other. Its not just happiness either, its all the great emotions anyone could feel. Perhaps this is the soul or spirit of a person that was supposed to have been left to grow freely. It isn't long before reality and its noise break the connection, but I'll always remember it is there.

Long post with no colourful pictures again. Hope it didn't pain your eyes. Take a break from the com, I'll do likewise. Till next time.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Pain

2009-03-24T09:22:00.001+08:00

I feel it in my back, head, shoulders, arms, feet, legs, thighs, knees.

I feel it in my hands, eyes, throat, stomach, ears, mind.

I feel it. In my results.

O-kay so I've been more laid back than I have been in O-levels. Its bad, yah, because even though I'm going through the same things before I should be doing better. But nothing gets through the air that is my mind.

If its just air, then what I hear, what I'm taught should just fill that space right up, right? But it doesn't. It can't go in because the PRESSURE of that air is just too great. Try opening a hole in my mind and teachings will simply be pushed away by the effusion of air. That infinite amount of air.

And why does there exist PRESSURE in that mind? What is causing it to have elevated kinetic force from those mind molecules, hence forcing the volume to increase just to alleviate the force from those bombarding particles. Hm, that would explain why I feel like my head's gonna explode.

But what's with this heated talk about pressure and its effects. Relieve it with a song and it'll be done with :D (a theory on sound waves dissipating pressure... pfft.)

Today was insipid. There was no thinking skills but Maths was a horror with the revision work. EEEEK the numbers are killing me... Maths test is on Friday and I canNOT fail again. So far there are 2 people that have saved themselves from the horror that is maths, Joey and Cassandra. Fais (is that how you spell it? >.<) is gonna change to Joey's class... see ya... have a good life... But nay, I will stand firm and brave the brainstorms that come my way... I chose this path and I will see it to the end... argh

English Literature was fun. The class dramatized the very last scene of Twelfth Night. Everyone had a part, I think we were even short... there was supposed to be an attendant but Weng Yee as Fabian had to go instead... Ooh and the song that Pamela sang at the end was greeaat! Its like almost everyone has a good voice nowadays... The final drama was a bit messy and awkward, but it was great, even if people were laughing and talking off the script... Credits to Marcia for directing, and everyone who acted~ (though I am still dead for those analyses... I've only passed up 3 since the last time I listed my statistics... jeez.)

Chemistry before lunch was like the few lab days that we had before, mixing salts and solutions in test tubes and seeing what happens to it. I can't really think during lab work. I try to go straight to what the experiment is all about but my short-term memory is at its worst. I forget the names of the chemicals I'm supposed to get, which one goes where, which solution which colour, which salt which acid, it all becomes a blur. But my partner, Claire, helped out and we managed to finish it in the end... thanks Claire!

LAN was before Chem. And if my short-term memory serves me, I was dying of boredom there too. It is the question of how Malaysian Studies came to be that I question the whole point of it all. And in my mind, the air spins into a twister, making the mind howl "WHY?!?!?!?!?!"

The infinite possibility of interpretation will surely turn these words that I abuse against me.

The lighter things:

Australia~! Going to the land down under in just 2 weeks. there's tests like Maths before that but I don't careWOOOOOT Holidays have been, and always will be, glorious for me and I lovem.

That's a short update of what's been happening. Life is joyous all of a sudden at the thought of holidays~

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Chrysanthemum

2009-03-23T17:31:00.003+08:00

I finally found it...

I can relax again :D

Love,

ViatoretVenus

The first thing that caught my attention

2009-03-18T12:36:00.010+08:00

"The Indians tend to use pesticides."

-Dr Nor Hayati on Men More Suicide-prone

I saw that in the news feed of the student portal and I was like "Ooh!" [click]

I can't read anymore. I feel like I can't even see the words. Its like I'm becoming illiterate. I see the title. What does it mean? Nothing goes in, I can't understand the text without having to force myself to read it over and over again until I can recite it like the words were my own. Even then their significance won't move me. Only when I'm interested in it do I absorb it like a sponge.

Its like torture, having to sit through that.

The space in my head is seemingly getting bigger. You can almost hear the whistle of air that passes through my mind, through the crack of my ears, past my cerebrum, and out the other ear.

Even if the words have been cut down to simple points in short lines, I have to scrutinize.

I'm doomed.

That's why I take Bio.

But enough of airiness...

College is alright. It feels like we're crawling, somehow. What we're learning is most of form 4 and 5, especially in Bio and Math, but Chemistry takes some time getting in to. Thinking Skills, well, you think you know the answers. You think that's all there is to it. But it simply isn't like that. You need to really think until your brain perforates. I dunno. Maybe you just need to mechanically apply the knowledge hidden in the notes and apply it to the incoming questions. Malaysian Studies is in English, that's good. Malaysian Studies is also very easy, its all about form 1-3 history all over again.

Blue Primrose

Have you ever seen such a colour?

I'll admit, I have trouble paying attention to anything anyone is saying nowadays because I think its just the same thing over and over again. Hearing probs. I probably look like I'm dreaming, or just staring intently at the sceen you wish me to see. But I won't get it, I won't understand, I won't be there. I don't think I could share these blank thoughts out loud. I'm afraid that they'll wipe out everything else too. Lately I keep thinking of nonsensical dreams and things that don't happen in reality. I'm not sure whether I want it to be real, or I want it to never exist. I have a reawakened fear of experiencing familiar emotions. I feel like I can't wake up. I think I know how to, but when I try to, I have to strain until it hurts. Something just pops into my head, stays there, then all other thought goes to waste and suddenly I'm dancing with that single random thought.

More importantly...

WHAT THE HELL IS THE NAME FOR THAT FLOWER%&%(#%@^$%^%$ I've been sitting here for an hour trying to remember the name. What is it... what is it... what... I first saw the flower at the wet market when I was a kid... I saw them being sold in stalls in some desolate deserted road, I've seen that vivid yellow colour so many times, I've even taken one home, they were even in the house, 5 or 6 stalks of them, right in the dining room in front of the huge mirror... big flower, tons of thin yellow petals that make a dense ball of softness... wtf...

Pink Carnation - Looks like its glowing, don't it?

Not this flower.

Marigold/Tagetes

Not these either

When will I finally find it?

Well, I'll eventually remember. I always do in the end, the frustrations of forgetting is just part and parcel of growing old, I guess.

...

What did I just say?!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

The dark thing is a mouse. So cuuute :D

A real post

2009-03-10T13:53:00.009+08:00

Hey there. How has everyone been?

Been a while since I got to posting real actual reading material. Its just assignments getting to me. Just cause I got em don't mean I gotsta ditch everything else just to do em. So I've still got 29/43 left to do now and it won't get any easier anytime soon, so why don't I just relax and meditate and blog for a while to exercise my usual writing style instead of rigidly squeezed brain juice on bleached paper.

Blech. Just doesn't feel the same compared to when I was in my younger days. It would've flowed like ink from a fountain pen, smooth and straight to the point, not needing any circumlocution or beating around the bushes or whatever you wish to express it. Just feeling damned annoyed that I'm gonna have to do all that work and not really get all the love that I expect but even though I already know that it doesn't work that way why am I still incessantly ranting on about how terrible I feel when all I need to do is just find the solution, which is already in my hands, and get it done with ease and comfort?! Am I disabled from doing such a task?! Did the electromagnetic waves get to my brain?!

No. I just do it. It is so simple. To naively do the tasks that require responsibility by means of simply doing it with no questions asked. Would too many questions complicate the situation?

Do I know the answer to this question?

I don't know.

But deep down inside, you always know the answers, after all where the hell did the questions come from if you wanted the same answer for that question?

But I asked, so I could get an answer, because I don't know the answer, even though I already know the answer, so I'm asking YOU for the answer.

So I know the answer that I don't know, why I am asking you for the answer is because...

... I want your bloody opinion fool.

Not talking about anyone in particular really, just spare yourself the confusion and move on...

So far, college, if you take the syllabus seriously, is quite simple. (Note to fellow teachers reading this: I'm kidding. Its really difficult. Please give less homework, and more group activities, whatever that makes a happy class work and not unhappy children sitting at home in the night lighting an oil lamp just to do their work, hahah! No, nobody wants that, moreover you won't need to trouble yourselves by marking that work either! ((Wishful thinking, pay no mind.)) )

I don't want to lose what I can lose, only wishing it would be forever an ability at my disposal. But that would be wrong, and by meaning wrong, by the laws of nature, of human behavior, of sense, it would be wrong. These words only attempt to brush the face of the morals of these decisions. And the easiest way out is the hardest way out. Always.

So, I'm sitting in the computer room of Taylor's Sri Hartamas College blogging. Its been a while since I got to blog like this, forgetting intentionally the weight of homework on my shoulders and freely typing what I will. At the same time I have loggon (Edit: new word o.O) I am listening to some crazy hyper Korean Pop Ballads on a friend's blog, and while its real catchy and happy, it'll be a wonder why I won't have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the month. Great song though, really jump starts the afternoon. So many people have been updating to diligently unlike me and its really nice and reassuring to read up on what's happening with everyone. So in turn I'd like to share a sliver of my experiences of college here...

Speaking of college, last night I have decided not to call homework homework anymore, for I will deem it very insignificant and almost non-existent. I now refer it to Schoolwork. All shall be done in school. If you should bring it home to do it, there'll be penalties. Reading is fine, just no exercises and assignments. Please.

Its hard to make oneself clear these days. You have a whole dictionary of words to your disposal but you don't need to use all of them to express your one true feeling. And the one true feeling I'm feeling?

STRESSSSSSSSS

Haha. Nah Just kidding. But these two Korean Pop Ballads are really sweet and catchy. (maybe the cause of it all...)

I was thinking today... I was grudgingly thinking about English Literature and the 29 analyses I have to do. I keep thinking about it, just the number, just the ache of having to do it, but don't get down to do it. No, no one could get down to do anything else unless they had the proper motivation...

So I thought again, what would be the proper motivation?

Telling myself... Imagine that you dropped Literature.

WOOOOW everything just burst into life again! I was flying, writing like no tomorrow, advancing to books and journals, everything became crystal clear like the plain blue sky, I could see the entire structure of the syllabus, the plot that would make us all right and go on with our lives, no, even more precious than that... My mind was screaming FREEDOMMMMMMMM--...

... then I came back to reality.

Reality: [kicks my ass] You took literature. See? Right there, on your timetable. Oh, and you've got the books too. You even did the test... you got an E. Just missed by one mark! Pity. And you got those 29--

That's when I really came back to reality.

But I mean the sheer imagination of having Literature off my shoulders was exhilarating. No need for analyses or dramatising or investigating whether or not the setting of the play has significance to the mood... But I know it won't last. Just like any burst of relief, it just curls up into a shivering wreck of nerves again, marring your sense of perception and judgement. Just like how I am now. I am just annoyed at having to endure something like this again. Yeah, history repeats itself because I ignored the past.

The right way to do it is change your perception on the whole thing and get to it like a normal piece of work. Its just like those that I did before, no worries, I think. In other distracting news, I hope to watch this movie soon.

Though, it doesn't look like its got a whole lot of storyline, does it? Just some superguys showing off their powers, is all. Plenty of sweet graphics to go with it.

I should really get this crazy hyper Korean Pop Ballad song.

Why am I only paying attention to English Literature? What about Bio, Chem, Thinking Skills, Malaysian Studies, Math?

Bio is fun, lots of nice colourful diagrams which attract the fancy of the pictorial memory, not forgetting the all accessible powerpoint notes on BB7. Math is great, who doesn't love mounds and mounds of excercises straight from the textbook? Chemistry feels like a stray electron in the midst of moles and moles of inert gas, no where to go, lost and out of place. Thinking Skills! Ooh more powerpoint notes and excercises that baffle us all... introduction to law maybe? Malaysian Studies... all you need are powerpoint notes, and its all there in a long list on that blackboard computer screen. YEAY.

Ecstatic like a kid in the dentist's chair.

There is but one (probably meaningless) conclusion that I conclude from these vague paragraphs of twisted confusions.

With great power comes responsibility. Lose that resposibility, then you lose your power.

No doubt... there's loose screws in everyone's head somewhere... or maybe new ones that congest the mind to falling apart.

I think it best you just save your time and not think again of what I just wrote.

This just ended up as brain pulp transmitted via electromagnetic waves onto your computer screen.

Terminate.

ViatoretVenus

2009-03-05T15:30:00.004+08:00

I have got to do finish this.

(9:23 AM Tuesday, 17th March 2009) Edit: Was this typo intentional, I wonder...

2009-03-05T13:09:00.003+08:00

First stage:

Status: 13/34

Completed within the week: 1.5

Remaining: 21/34

Second Stage:

Status: 2/7

Completed within the week: 2

Remaining: 5/7

Comments: Just kill meh nao

Extra notes: The teacher recently told us what was wrong with out analyses and... well, have fun redoing them!

Epilogue: I was just doing what I thought was alright...

(Insert into entitled will)- I grant whoever reads this the ownership of my rubbish Literature notes... please take them, burn them and bury them Edit: Then bury meh...

I have in total, to this day, 26 analyses to do. That's gonna take at least a month.

But I don't feel weighed down.

Should I?

Whee~

I'll come back in a while... got an exam to do...

Love,

ViatoretVenus

College aint so bad after all

2009-02-24T09:22:00.004+08:00

If you know what's good for you, you'll stop getting distracted.

Wheeee~

College isn't so bad after all. The assignments can be unbearable but its fine fine fine when there isn't any :D

I'm not saying that I don't have any, I still have those 22 pieces to write. But its pretty fine, you don't get hounded for it, that's so uplifting and inspiring (high..?)

But enough of that. ENOUGH. I'll just write em and pass em up and get em back and keep em in a dusty corner of the room. Let there be inspiration! (Please let there be inspiration...)

Good luck to everyone in their colleges too~

Love,

ViatoretVenus

2009-02-20T14:11:00.003+08:00

Start date: 5th January 2009

Due date: 16th February 2009

Finished: 12/34

Remaining: 22/34

Status: I can do this!

Comment: Bad Liar

but I can....

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Tomorrow, tomorrow, you're only less than 24 hours away

2009-02-14T19:01:00.005+08:00

"If people feel sympathy, it is probably because they know what it is like to miss something and to want something and to love something and not have that."
-William Fichtner

I didn't really get that. Did you?

I won't talk about homework.

I won't

I will do my homework.

And not blog.

But there's something wrong.

I squirm everytime I face it.

Do homeworkno.

Do your homeworknoo

DoyourhomeworkalreadyNOOOO

HomeworkNOWnoooooooooooeeeeeeeitbuurrnnssssssgaaaahhhhhiii

Its not working.

I have less than 24 hours left to do a month's worth of homework. At least an hour on each piece of work, and I have more than 30 pieces. I need more than 30 hours. I don't have that time.

Rargh

On a lighter note:

This is FUNNN

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Edit: Btw, Happy Valentine's Day~

Happiness is the world today

2009-02-04T14:03:00.002+08:00

: )

2009-01-30T23:45:00.007+08:00

<3,

ViatoretVenus

It feels light.

2009-01-21T23:43:00.003+08:00

21st January 2009.

I got my results. I don't know what to say. I have mixed feelings over it. I thought I could do better, but yet I feared the worst. My results are way better than the worst that I had in mind, but it looks so... not satisfying. Its like I have a need to sigh when I look at the irregular pattern it makes. Each column has a different grade going down the list. There are no 2 same grades in a row.

I could have done better. Sure, I could have. But if I did that, I'd be literally dead to the world. This was how I ended up.

In actual results, a B in these grades could mean as low as 50-70 instead of 70-80. Furthermore, for add maths, the special case, to even pass would require just 30 marks and above. Yeah, there's no way I could have done that well in these exams. Ever. The passing point has been lowered and lowered each year to accommodate bloating idiots like me, to allow us to pass. It worked. I passed. I'm elated. Ecstatic.

How much lower is it to pass physics? Chemistry? Eng Lit? Oh... and English too... impossible.

Accounts - Bullshit
Add Maths - Crap
Biology - Are you sure...??!?!
Chemistry - Bull
English - Amazing!!!
English Literature - BOOSHEE
Maths - Alright~!
Physics - BS

A for acceptable (except for English) and wow, I got an A for Bio too?! That was a surprise!

B for Bullshit. Those Bs should be Cs, for Crap.

Add Maths, oh, add maths. I know I got a D for you. If not Dung, then Excrete.

I can just see those passing marks being brought down again by this year, in the examiners headquarters in Cambridge, they're discussing right now over the WiFi astral plane that the bar needs to be down down down...

But really, I'm happy. I'm relieved to have finally gotten these results. A pit of fear and madness has been sealed up by this evidence. For the whole of today I have been pacing, anxious to know my results.

Oh and did I mention...

I have already started college in Taylor's College Sri Hartamas, since Friday, 16th January 2009. Its great! The campus, the people, the teachers, THE HOMEWORK EVEN!!! (Yah. Serious.) Maths is GREAT. NO ADD MATHS!!!! Bio is like Bio, cells :D. NO PHYSICS OR ACCOUNTS!!! Chemistry is fun!!! ENG LIT IS DA BOMB (SO MUCH HW BUT ITS OKAY)

This new routine takes a lot to get used to, I'm still feeling nasty fatigue in the morning and throughout the day... well maybe that's caused by my lack of sleep and my tendency to stay in front of this comp and blog away instead of doing that homework... which oh my gosh I am 3 weeks behind schedule and I haven't done a thing! The deadline is next Tuesday! Let a thousand curses befall my soul! Arck!!! (The tension chokes me.)

Well, the one and only homework, other than revision for Bio and Chem tests tomorrow, is the poem analysis for literature.

It doesn't sound bad? Lemme state how many periods of Literature class I have missed.

College in Taylor's Sri Hartamas started on Jan 5, a Monday. I missed the first 2 weeks of college except for 1 class on Friday on the second week. 6 classes for each subject each week, so I missed 11 classes.

Each class we analyse at least 2 poems.

Makes you scream, but people are sleeping. I clasp both hand on my head for a while and think aloud: WTF!!!

Counting carefully now, I have altogether 15 analyses to type. 300 words each paper, and I have 3 days until the due date of Tuesday, 3rd of February, to finish them. As I type this now, 10:06 PM on a Friday, 30th January, I worry. Much.

Ah, but the holidays have been so, oh, so wonderful! CHINESE NEW YEAR had come, hence the rounded bellies and heavy wallets. Not only that. Even better than the food and the celebrations, this holidays, I managed to watch...

PRISON BREAK SEASON 3 AND 4!!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA (cackles off into the distance...)

So wonderful!

So awesome!!!

OMFGFBCEUFVGBWIEDBE DKWBDCIA!!!!! XP

...so hot

KYAAAAAA~~! (girly squeal)

All through out the episodes... I cannot help but smile, no, GRIN like an idiot at the prospect of being able to watch those elusive episodes that had escaped my knowledge all this time...

And just laugh out loud uncontrollably, or squeeze to death the feather pillow while watching the characters do their thing, Needing to pause every few minutes or so to just comprehend what was going on, sometimes jumping back to the really fucking awesome parts that need to be watched again and again and again... and when your favorite character comes out to play your heart just goes mad and you squeal and stare and ogle and feel just so goddamned happy and just looooooooooove the guy!

KYAAAAAAAAAA~~~!

Finally after what... 2 years? I get to continue the series where I last left off, and I get to let myself enjoy it without a care in the world. Because?

HOLIDAYS YAHHHHHH

Watch Prison Break. Watch it NOW!

You'll never need to leave your computer again.

Its just so.... I'm so... just....

so

Happy

happyyyyyyyy

:D

XD

becausehe'sthereandhe'ssohotandsexyandcoolandyahhhhhhhhh

wheeeee~!

(nutter phase end)

Anyway.

I'm just gonna finish up those last few tantalizing episodes and not do my homework.

I hope you will enjoy your holidays like how I have enjoyed mine. :D

Bye, and...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

Love,

ViatoretVenus

No school! wahahah

2009-01-05T19:35:00.003+08:00

Life is best lived in the moment.

Life should be lived for life itself.

A life can be lived however possible.

...

What am I, a monk or something?! I really have gone nuts over these holidays, huh. Talking about life like I know how it is. Stupido. Save myself from blogging my time away, why don't I.

I haven't started school, unlike many. My initial plan was to start A-levels in Taylors Sri Hartamas as of today, but things come up. International Baccalaurette, for example. Fuck it. I'm going for A-levels in March. Screw KDU. Screw it all.

This decision was supposed to mean something, but I don't see it. I used to be excited about it after 1 year of O-levels, I decided there I wanted to do A-levels. But since last year, nothing could reach my heart as it did like before. All this garbage is such a nuisance! What difference does it make if I go to any college?!

Pardon the cynicism. Its such a dreary life for these past years. All work and no play, kills me.

Well, at least I was not disturbed from my morning sleep harshly. I slept at 6.30 AM. Bad. Very bad, I know. Then I woke up at 4 PM. A good 10 hours of sleep. Yeah, I'm terrible, rotten to the core.

But its the only way I could sleep soundly. A deep sleep inpenetrable to any influences. People of the house must've come in and out of my room, looking for things, shouting to wake me up, but I barely hear it. The sounds are blurred, even the music of my alarm clock doesn't even register in my mind. Maybe it was because I was so deathly tired that I slept through it all. A real slumber.

A normal slumber would be 10 PM to 8 AM. That's the best hours. Its not that difficult to revert back to those sleeping times, it can be made easier by tiring yourself out, it could be either mentally or physically. During those hours, you supposedly have the best dreams... True that. When I was a kiddie and still held some resposibility and discipline I had wonderful sleep and dreams. Now, I have much less of that. Not just because of the sleeping hours, but also, I have been told not to dream my life away. That's exactly what I do now, but not in the way I wish to. And still, I do so.

Here I halt myself from spewing further garbage. I guess my point of this post is if I want to do something, I should just go and do it, and not listen to some other person's suggestions and thoughts for my future. I know I had a feeling of dying soon, so in order to live my last breaths I must do so on my own. There is nothing to fear in doing these things I wish to do, because they won't kill me. Death is scary, I admit I would be afraid if I knew my end was coming soon.

But that's all there is to death, its just the end of life. Until then, life still goes on. At this very moment, life is not over yet.

Why the hell am I going on and on about what life and death is?! GAHHH.

...

I should explain how my day so far has gone.

I woke up at 4 PM, stayed in bed until 4.30 PM while replaying the dream I had. The dream was so long and complicated. I got ready for my late late lunch... which turned into tea... Its was left overs from yesterday, my grandmother's Mee Sua. Lovely. I had a huge bowl. For dessert, I brought out a bowl of left over sushi... and a cup of milk. Then I spent my time on the com, looking for new stuff and blogging. And hey... its only been 4 hours since that time. and I plan to try and sleep at 10PM... impossible, yes.

I shall go now. I have sank too far into myself during these holidays. I should get out more.

Love,
ViatoretVenus

The New Year

2009-01-05T03:29:00.007+08:00

Yes, this is slow. I am 5 days late for blogging about a new year. But excuse this lateness, because one must take time to observe the changes around oneself. Everywhere, everything is changing!

The changes are subtle, but, the infinite meaning it has to all of us is clear like the morning dawn. When I woke up in the morning for these past few days, still hallucinating about the sweet dream that I had, rising from my soft squishy bed to meet the sun rays through the window, my feet shivering at the feel of cold laquered floor pieces, I feel lucid, inspired, light-hearted, born again! For 3 years I have been denied this feel of unbroken peace of mind, this sheer tranquility...

Then it happens.

Oh, you know.

You just know what happens, but you don't really know at the time.

You don't really think of what's coming to you in moments like these, right?

And so I got it. Full blast.

Oh yeah.

It was one hell of a way to screw up my day.

I could've continued gazing at the lovely sunrise. I could've carried on watching the wind make the trees dance and the birds dance in the air. I could've looked at it all and thought how lovely and wonderful life really is. I could've. Really.

But then you know.

You know that it just doesn't work like that anymore.

And this I hint with a heavy tone of irony.

I had heard the heavy footsteps approach my chamber, but I did not faze at the sound. I was still in the midst of the fading remnants of my dreams, where I was to escape with a friend, who was in the dream, a secret lover, from raiding bandits. We could fly in the dream. At some point, we were on the rooftops of a castle fun house in a gigantic theme park, leaping from roof to roof, watching the people that gathered in the windows of the castle fun house, the funny faces they made, the gasps they cried. The bandits were far from reaching us, but then the scene distorted, changed.

Now I was alone, in a deep, underground cave. It was some sort of shrine or temple, I could tell because when I was there I felt I had to be proper in behaviour. My friend lover was at the end of this teal-lighted cave, behind rocks and statues and stone doors that I needed to open using my intellect. There was water in this cave, a clear river, deep enough to dive into, a long and wide channel that lead to the end of the cave. The light seemed to be coming from the river, or was it the crevices in the walls, or the moss that hung down from the holes in the roof, that bluish-greenish light illuminating the whole cave bright enough to see every corner of the cave.

Bullets sped past me, shocking the stone pathway that I walked on, making spiral-like splashes into the water. I quickly dashed behind a cave wall to evade the shots. The bandits were hot on my heels. My heart beat wildly in my chest as I pressed myself into the rocky wall, trying to figure a way out of the tight spot I was in. I looked at the river, how clear and clean it was, how refreshing it would be if I jumped in and swam away from this nuisance. I mentally slapped myself. How could I possibly get away like that? They'd see me clear as day, they might as well take a few headshots while I'm going with the flow. Besides, the water doesn't look all that calm. The water surface was coarse and disturbed, flowing, but I could not tell which direction. I did not dare to try. I sought a different method. I looked ahead of me. The narrow stone pathway on the left wall of the cave was the one that I was on. The road continued for so very long, as far as the river would have taken me. Ahead was a massive statue of religion, it could have been Buddha, but it was moldy green and old, and it stood on top of a platform in the middle of the teal river. To either side of the statue was a corroded stone bridge, which I could access from the pathway that I was on to get to the pathway on the right-side of the cave.

The bullets halted. And I ran for it. As I ran I felt light and floaty, then I knew I still had the power of flight with me. Evading more bullets while dashing across the bridge, dashed behind another stone wall to shield myself after I had crossed to the other side. In this section of the cave the bandits could barely see me, so I stepped forward and floated slowly upwards, using my flight ability to float across the labyrinth before me. I was getting closer to the end, closer to my friend, but I also knew, midway, I'd have to encounter a beast, a large monster of some kind, and surpass it in order to get both my friend and myself out of here alive. I was just about to form a solution, when noise from the real world stirred my vision.

This is the first time I am declaring this. Whenever I hear disturbing sounds from reality whilst I dream, my dream is interferred, and just like how rain clouds disturb the signal of the television antennae, my dream is reduced into dark static.

Just like that, my sweet mood was shattered into irrepairable pieces, the one that takes such a long time to build, the one mood that is perhaps the only thing good about myself these days, broken.

The second that wooden bedroom door swings open and collides with the wall next to it, you know.

You know that it is not going to be a nice day.

Yes, once such an exciting dream is interrupted like that without having finished dreaming it, you know its gonna be one hell of a shitty day.

No kidding. Only one person would have the audacity to do something like this. Only one.

The shouts are loud. Loud enough to make me realise what you are actually saying. Loud enough to make me want to curl deeper into my pillows and blanket to drown your noise. But I don't do that. I just mumble and nod my head in response to what you say. You would not understand or spare sympathy as to what I missed out. No, you wouldn't spare it a second thought. I'm sorry I can no longer find the motivation to spring out of bed just to prepare breakfast and wish you a good morning everyday.

And so that is why I have such a dark mood these days. That is why I rarely smile and look like death. If that moment had lasted longer, would I have stayed with a brightened mood? I can't tell for sure. I know that if this goes on, this moody personality of mine will stay. Perhaps it already has.

Can't help but be so friggin moody when I am moody.

With this, I apologise to all that I have affected.

I'm sorry.

And I will now sleep and try to continue that dream.

Hopefully, that door won't swing open so early in the morning again.

Thank you.

Happy New Year.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I can't help it.

2008-12-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

I can't help it.

Can't control it.

Life was not meant to be lived this way.

To live naturally would be living in that way.

The way that bends the rules in so many ways.

But that is how naturally I would live.

If I can't live that way I would go crazy.

Like how I am now.

To simply save myself from craziness I have to be crazy.

I already am, but not in the way.

It must be the way.

Because if it is not the way, you have no control over it.

You would be dangerously crazy.

You would be crazy like how people tell you that you are.

You do not want that.

You want to save yourself.

You want to know that you are the one controlling this craziness, the one behind this.

You want to be who you are, no matter what it takes.

You want to be this way so that you know.

You will know what this is all about.

Don't fear crazy.

Embrace crazy.

Crazy is what will save you from craziness.

Be crazy.

Be free.

Love,

Viatoretvenus

P.S. I think I really may have gone off my rockers all this while but somehow writing this made me feel a little less crazy... haha.

Oh yeah, and the main reason I posted was this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNBPQe4dFxk

Sweet.

Sing this song and you'll be buzzing...

2008-12-11T13:29:00.001+08:00

Billy Joel - We Didn't Start The Fire lyrics

1949
Harry Truman
Doris day
Red China
Johnny Ray
South Pacific
Walter Winchell
Joe Di Maggio.

1950
Joe McCarthy
Richard Nixon
Studebaker
Television
North Korea
South Korea
Marilyn Monroe.

1951
Rosenbergs
H-Bomb
Sugar Ray
Panmunjom
Brando
The King And I and The Catcher In The Rye

1952
Eisenhower
Vaccine
England's got a new queen
Marciano
Liberace
Santayana good-bye.

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it but we tried to fight it

1953
Joseph Stalin
Malenkov
Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller
Campanella
Communist Bloc

1954
Roy Cohen
Juan Peron
Toscanini
Dacron
Dien Bien Phu falls
Rock Around The Clock

1955
Einstein
James Dean
Brooklyn's got a winning team
David Crockett
Peter Pan
Elvis Presley
Disneyland

1956
Bardot
Budapest
Alabama
Khrushchev
Princess Grace
Peyton Place
Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire...

1957
Little Rock
Pasternak
Mickey Mantle
Kerouac
Sputnik
Chou En-Lai
Bridge On The River Kwai

1958
Lebanon
Charles de Gaulle
California baseball
Starkweather
Homicide
Children of Thalidomide

1959
Buddy Holly
Ben Hur
Space Monkey
Mafia
Hula Hoops
Castro
Edsel is a no-go

1960
U 2
Syngman Rhee
Payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker
Psycho
Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire...

1961
Hemingway
Eichmann
Stranger In A Strange Land
Dylan
Berlin
Bay Of Pigs Invasion

1962
Lawrence Of Arabia
British Beatlemania
Ole Miss
John Glenn
Liston beats Patterson

1963
Pope Paul
Malcolm X
British Politician Sex
J.F.K. blown away
What else do I have to say?

We didn't start the fire...

64-89
Birth Control
Ho Chi Minh
Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot
Woodstock
Watergate
Punk Rock
Begin
Reagan
Palestine
Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran
Russians in Afghanistan
Wheel Of Fortune
Sally Ride
Heavy Metal
Suicide
Foreign debts
Homeless vets
AIDS
Crack
Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores
China's under martial law
Rock and Roller
Cola Wars
I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire...
we didn't start the fire...

Excited!

2008-12-08T20:51:00.002+08:00

On Sunday, 14th December 2008, I leave for Korea.

Its most probably freezing in Korea. Lots of snow. There should be at least 3 or 4 inches of snow waiting for us outside Seoul Airport. Let it be cold cold cold. :D

Oh wait.

Not too cold. Don't want a snow storm to stop the flights!

I can't help but smile at the thought of being there again. It will be great with friends around this time... (Last time I had my mom and grandma by my side...so... you know.)

Wednesday, 17th December 2008, Rach is gonna be back. For 2 months+. I can just imagine the pandemonium occuring here... the second she touches down in KLIA the world will have inclined further down the SouthEast due to the disturbance elicited by Malaysians... Yes, it will be earth-shaking...

I'll be back on the 21st from Korea to see the damage done... and also to celebrate Christmas parties!!!!

On Tuesday, 23rd December 2008, is a farewell party for Shang Ying... NOO its too soon... T.T couldn't there be more time to spend in Msia? Why do Canadian syllabuses start so early...

24th is Xmas eve... :D

25th... is CHRISTMAS DAYE!!! Bring on the presents and fooood wahahahahah....

26th is aftermath... but we still party anyway because its the holidays...

27th we might get tired... and consider taking down the Xmas tree... but still pig out on many tasty leftovers.

28th, 29th, 30th, we contemplate and look forward to New Year parties. :D

31st... HAPPY BDAY AMY!!! HAPPY BDAY SHENSHEN!!! And of course... happy new year.

And so will end a long long long year... Not the longest year of my life but supposedly the most meaningful of my life...

I seemed to have missed out something that comes sooner than all of these, and that is...

PROM 2008

Haha.

On Thursday, 11th December 2008, is Sri KL's prom day...

But what happens on this commercially auspicious day? Of course! EVERYONE knows. Dah.

Pretty dresses and suits, great music and people, king and queen, dancing, and something else.

Sure its bound to be fun. That would be informally the last day everyone sees each other... After that they might be just ghosts of the pasts after that day.

It'll be interesting.

Once again, I love the holidays, because it gives me time for me to find myself.

Till next time I post... later...

Love,
ViatoretVenus

:(

2008-12-02T12:56:00.004+08:00

D:

>.<

:O

:/

:'S

...

moody.

damn mooody

Murder with a glance moody.

Fluctuating between apocalypse and chaos.

Any sudden words and the world could crumble under this wrath in a godsecond(??).

Annoyed.

Just. Too. Damn. Fucken. Annoyed.

Its not new. Age-old. Years and years of irritance. Piled up, bottled up, concentrate. Now ready to explode.

Just about straining the fine thread that holds my conscious sanity together.

It rattles the bones, joints, senses.

Just one more sound, one more word, and things will disappear.

So fucken annoyed I can't talk.

Can't grip my hands because they're already numb from the irate blood gushing through my veins.

...

There's no more noise. It has stopped.

I can breathe easy again.

Phew.

Boiling point receding...

Ah... Happy happy feelings again :D

Good riddance. I thought I really was gonna destroy something. Phwee.

Anyway. Yesterday was the last day of a lot of people's SPM!!! Congratulations to all who ended with a blast. Accounts was the last itty bitty paper for em yesterday.

At home, things are looking up. The ultimate kitchen is on its way, with exception of installating the UFO vent, and the clogged sink.Otherwise it'd now be a fully functioning ideal kitchen. YAY.

The garden looks great today! This morning when I got out, the sky was dozens of tones of blues, with the ambience of squawking birds and rustling trees. Oh! Not forgetting the lovely cock that crows since the start of 5.30AM right up to 8.30AM. Whee I got out in the morning?! During the holidays?! What am I, nuts?! No, not at all. Its perfectly fine to stay up the whole night with no sleep whatsoever and pack stuff for Korea. For breakfast I had a nice cheese tart and glass of cold water. (I guess that's why I'm cranky...)

KOREA! I paid the cheque to the school yesterday only to find myself too unconsciously excited about it! Right after I got home from school yesterday I immediately took out the suitcases and dug out the winter attire! Fantastic. The suitcase is still half empty.

HAHAH I took my time in folding the little long sleeved clothes and had fun stuffing the down feather coat into the handcarry luggage. Did I eat dinner? NO because I had lovely tea sent by Aunt Joyce (Xiao Gu~!) together with Aunt Kim! At 4PM! That was about the time I came back from school. Being me, I took my time and suddenly... it was 5.30PM! I continued packing the suitcase.

I packed and packed and packed. It was 12.30AM. I ate supper with mom. at 1.30AM I resumed the packing. I wanted to sleep at 3AM, so I got into bed but realised I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't. What did I do to alleviate the restlessness?

Stick glow-in-the-dark stars everywhere

Draw :D

Draw sommore @_@

Write...

Fit on the winter clothes...

At around 5.30AM I heard the damn rooster.

It was at that time I knew I would be up till the break of the next sunrise. I took a cold bath. (Another reason why I'm cranky...?) Ah I even used extra soap and shampoo... that was a good bath while it lasted...

At 7AM the blue light of day poured into the skylight from above, making an ethereal halo of light in the middle of the room. Looking up, you can see soft cirrus clouds drifting slowly overhead. I went out the balcony and sat on the roof. The magical sky and the twittering birds were all I could see for that moment. Then I thought.

"Why am I still alive?"

It just came. Out of the blue. That elusive question. I don't know. I must have been stoned from sleep deprivation. But really, Why do I still live and breathe? I should be dead from all the trouble I'd caused in my life. Every bout of trouble that I caused, for others, for myself, for the future, none of it had good outcomes. NONE.Yet I'm still here. To cause more trouble? If I tried to improve myself, the moment I fall behind will end it all.

GAH I'll just keep living. The right way. My way.

Because in the end that is all that matters isn't it?

... I'm still moody after all.

Damned mood rants make no sense when I try to make it make sense.

Screw it!

Oh and in the midst of one annoyed mood yesterday I found my theme song,....

Yes it is silly, stupid, but you know, there's just that need to have a theme song, a song that portrays YOU perfectly. That's what I thought about what it was. And I think this song close to what I've been looking for xD (what)

Billy Joel's The Stranger. HEHEh. Intriguing lyrics. I like the song.

In other news.

I had Bak Kut Teh for breakfast. (Another reason for crankiness?!) Haha sorry Rach. Its true!!! :D The saltiness, the herbiness, the savouriness (o.O), the porkiness (o.O??)... oh.... BAK KUT TEH-NESS!!! xP All thanks to Xiao Gu... <3

My face is falling asleep. I can't feel my chin. But I can't even sleep. I'm not tired nor sleepy, my body's failing me...

Ever had the feeling that everything in the world was working in perfect order? Everything fine and well, no war, no suffering, no pain, no hunger? I remember when I had that feeling. It is aeons away to what I'm feeling about the world now. But its just a feeling. Feelings shouldn't be affected by technicalities. Ever. EVER. Let technicalities be what it is, bullshit, and take pride in your own emotions and freewill. Peace, man.

Yep, I'm in some kionda hippie/junkie phase. Swooning in and out of reality, never really considering the danger of what's really happening, taking for granted the priveliges offered, being an airhead with happy-go-lucky thoughts in my mind. Wait. That's an airhead phase. GAH.

Stopping. post. End.Now.

Love,
ViatoretVenus

heeeeee

2008-11-30T20:51:00.000+08:00

HEEEEEE

:D

:O

2008-11-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

:O

1:32 onwards

:O:O:O:O:O:O:O

Home life

2008-11-26T02:20:00.004+08:00

Ah... home is where my heart is...

Er, actually the truth is you could assign your heart to go whereever you wish, so long as its comfy...

And the exact comfy place of my home is none other than...

MY SQUISHY BED!!!

:D

Yes! It is the squishy bed of ultimate comfort and security! 2 matresses, 3 fluffy pillows and a feather blanket... what more could a weirdo high school graduate like me ask for?! All this, plus the 2 horse-power air-conditioner and wonderful laptop accessible to the internet filled with infinite supply of manga and anime... FANTASTIC HOLIDAY PLAN WAHAHAHAA

I'm nuts yes

I'm a git yes

I'm an otaku yes

I still haven't sent in my application for college WHAT!??!?!?!

Yes. I haven't sent in my application to Taylors yet! That is terrible because it is already so late and last minute when I once again let my habit of procrastination fool my senses and allow me to dilly dally until this hour! Horrible! Unforgivable! Damn me!

It was last month when I promised myself I would scout for A levels... but what held me back wwas really my insecurity. My bloody forecast vs. my real results of O-levels. Fucking. Huge, Gap. I just know it. My O-levels results are going to be less than pleasing and they'll get me kicked out of whichever college I get into.Then people kill me. Then I may hope to spend the rest of my days ogling at anime and manga until the electricity is cut off and the water stops flowing. Bad future nightmare end.

I have to be optimistic. Being positive is always good. But I can't help but be positive that I'm gonna fall short on at least 2 or 3 subjects. And I have a feeling those will be the important ones. Like CHEMISTRY. WHY DID THE PAPER 3 HAVE TO BE SO ARGH. PHYSICS TOO. AND ADD MATHS, ACCOUNTS, BIOLOGY, LITERATURE.... (in the end I always say everything is difficult..) I'm SHO SHCARED!!!! (otaku accent)

Thus...

It was until the day before yesterday, Sunday the 23rd of November 2008, that I finally decided to (stop procrastinating and) so something about it... I quickly searched for the three main choices on my list: Taylors, Sunway and HELP. (I realise at this point I sound more and more dramatic in my speech, due to the immense amount of manga I've been reading... I've been adopting the narrative tone of those mangas... whether this is good or bad I don't know...) How the investigation went, well, it was less than predictable! I had been concentrating on Taylors CAL (Cambridge A-Levels) programme alone, and it was there that I discovered... the new campus...

15-20 minutes drive from home, brand new highway called Sprint Expressway which brings you right to its doorstep, brand new facilities and new age ID, it looks almost like a hotel, or a shopping mall comparable to The Gardens of Midvalley, state-of-the-art equipment, parking, hostel, jobs, wonderfully designed classrooms and cafeteria... presenting to you, the college that does not look like a college, the college that opens in 2009 intaking CAL and SAM candidates in Janurary, March and June...

TAYLORS COLLEGE SRI HARTAMAS

:O

:O:O:O:O:O

:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O

OMFG I HAVE TO GO THERE!

Damn! Why didn't I think of the new college sooner?! I knew it was somewhere far from the main campus in Subang Jaya, but I didn't know it would be so... convenient for me! Compared to the rest of the choices... this is the best in accessibility, quality, and if I may say, environment? This is the first time I have ever felt this way about my own education!!!! I'M GROWING UP (too hyper from manga... definetely)

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh I HAVE to send in my application form by this week or chances of getting in there will be near impossible! But damn! I rushed to print out the form, the black ink was clogged! I lost count of the times it had to be cleaned out... (There is a function on the computer which I discovered that the printer will clean the nozzles of the ink by itself... so no wonder those images I printed before were so cacated...) I even took out the ink catridge a few times to clean it manually... that was the time I also did something incredibly smart! Looking at the top of the catridge, there was an orange tag labelled "PULL". I debated: "Hm! This says "PULL" so do I pull? But the ink worked fine before even with this tag on, so...? " Then below this tag it read: "Do not remove label" I confused myself... or was the information confusing? Anyway I pushed myself to make a decision: To pull or not to pull! (asinine common sense, you can laugh) And I thought... Well, why would it read "PULL" if it says you're not supposed to pull? (I commend myself on my own stupidity!) The sun was going down... all this just annoyed the hell out of me...

Whether it is the influence of the bold, capitalised text of the orange tag as compared to the small inferior font of warning, or a childish curiosty that seemed to have been awakened at the simplicity of the situation, I do not know. I pulled. Splurt. OH shit. Handful of ink and a neat black puddle on the floor. WHY WAS THERE A HOLE UNDER THAT TAG FEGWYUDFUWQKVFEK....

So I learned a lesson (...??? all I've learnt from 17 years of mistakes didn't get me far enough?!?!) never pull even if it says pull.

Cleaning up the mess ate up half an hour. Another 10 minutes to find cello tape and a scissors to rectify the damage. Another 10 minutes to do another round of cleaning with the printer. And to complete the hour, 10 minutes to test out the black ink by printing deadly fanfiction mwahahah. Alas, finally... I started printing the application form for Taylors University College. PHEW. Things turned out good. There's a little smudge over the conditions of the application but the info of the applicant is what's important... right..? I smiled for the first time that day.

But habits are too great to ignore... 2 days later I had read Bleach manga and delayed in filling out the forms!!! GAHHHHH

So it was only until a few hours ago that I filled HALF of the forms... then went to facebook and blogged here... up to now!

No. Must clear head, Do important things. Useful things. Helpful things.

I'm far from achieving that at the moment! (I have a weak mentality in holiday mood!)

About 8 hours ago, I told my mom: "Mom, does O have a phone?" Chaos ensued.

"O" refers to the Indonesian maid in the household. She's been with us for just over a year, throughout the entire renovation process, cleaning and dusting and wiping and vacuuming every corner, tending to the cooking and chores. She is not allowed to have a phone.

Lots of yelling from mom. Unsettling. The phone is a grey-white Nokia model 1100, with a celcom Xpax SIM card. It was an old model with the typical digital Nokia incoming call ringtone that went.. deedaadaaadaa deedaadaaadaa deedaadaaadaada~! (I have no sense of music!) There were 5 listed contacts...all unknown persons to the house mitress... O was sent to her room, while mom made calls to the persons involved in this problem. Mom also made calls to relatives... speaking in elusive cantonese.. or was it hokkien? O was called out again so that she could eat dinner, then sent to her room again while Mom and I discussed the matter. I inspected the phone. I held in tissues and used a pen to press the buttons out of my paranoia, preventing my fingerprints getting on the device (I sound horrible). Looked through the messages... phone calls of the same number kept calling in... and a shocking discovery... the total time of calls on the phone is 112 hours!!! That's more than 3 months of phone talk if O talked for an hour each day. Another shocking discovery... one of the guys in charge of managing the house renovation was asked to help repair the phone 2 months ago! :O

There's only so much dishonesty we can take... Mom already has her hands full with work and a court trial with the previous contractor... That old geezer. He ran away without completing the renovation, right after Mom paid him in full... he was a nasty bastard. And he's even faintly related to us! ARGH He's my Aunt's Sister's Brother-in-law or something... ARGH. Damn the bad people DAMN THEM.

And so O got a shouting. The phone was confiscated and I discussed with mom what we should do. But it was really... strange. The first time I heard it was about a good week ago, almost everynight, I'd hear the goddamned ringtone from O's room. I thought mom got her that phone, and then I asked myself "Did I just hear that?!" or "Could it just be an alarm or something? It sounds too much like a phone..." YEp, it was a phone. And I asked mom about it... she didn't notice a thing! She didn't hear no ringtones or awkward sounds. O.O

Anyway enough of that... I really should be getting along into sorting out driving and college stuff.

Love,
ViatoretVenus

jejejeje

2008-11-18T19:15:00.003+08:00

See the twitch in my mouth?

Do you see the happy dimples on my contorted smiling face?

Look at the stars in my eyes, the glint of joy?

Hear my laugh of mirth and jest?

The symphony of my freedom...

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

> <
U

its over

There are no words enough to fully express this immense joy.

No lollipop of a child or fois gras of aristocrat can fully sate this newfound hunger. (what)

The need to just scream, no, even more than just a shaking roar, the feeling as if you need to dance, or annihilate, or hug something, anything, to death...

Even that won't be enough to truly express this... liberation.

Freedom.

FREEEEEEDOMMMMMMM

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Now you can feel properly the soft touch of the wind, the whispers of the rain, the warmth of that blood red sky, the silver glow of the moon, the faraway hum of the cars in the city, the chiming bells of a school, the karaoke melody of the old fogey's across the neighbourhood... the nostalgia, the memories, the emotions finally wash over you, and the ambience of life in Sri Petaling goes on... no longer do you have to worry, in these precious moments, about the stresses of petty assignments, or the grades of your subjects or... oh soooo many thingssssss

happyhappyjoyjoy

Its so amazing! I find myself so liberated from the chains of school life, yet, I feel like I have the need to do something to pass the time. Something productive, inspirational, perhaps helpful to the world... But I always have felt this way. Only now the feeling is soo... oh so pleasant! :D

But enough of the feeling, let's see what's going on for these few days already.

The renovation on the house is 90% complete! Finally after more than a year of enduring dusty hallways and drill music we get to live in peace in our... whoa is that our house?! Damn a lot has changed. Onee-chan is gon hav a omg-spree when ya get back here...

It has been 6 days since Freedom. I have played like mad all the lovely games in the house, and on the 7th day I shall get busy with calling about my driving license and recycling books (unlike God, whom claimed his 7th day, Sunday, was a day of rest for Him after 6 days of making the world, and bids His worshippers to use this 7th day as a tribute day via Church for Him... well that is as far as I know it). Come Friday (my first day of my week..?) and there will be only a week left for the SPM buggers to finish. Woot.

In other news, I love Malaysia. I dislike the antics of the government of Malaysia. And I hate bad teachers.

But what do I mean when I say I hate a bad teacher? The bad teacher I mean is the teacher that mind-fucks students. You've come across this kind of teacher, yes? The teacher that really just isn't a teacher, neither knowledgable nor experienced, one that does not educate nor instill value. Even so, there are many many kinds of bad teachers.... they've been evolving since the dark age of time...

Normally, to rid oneself of hatred is to understand the hatred, why you hate it. But understanding the root of how bad teachers just come about, reasoning is just how the hate is born. The more you understand it, the more you hate it. Sometimes there may not be any reason at all, that's just the way they are. That's the worst.

Maybe they can't help it, maybe they don't have what it takes to be a teacher, or they got their own problems, or they too are stressed about the laws of life, or so on so forth, but hell, why... why......?! Why did they become a teacher? Why did they even allow that thought to enter their mind when they actually just destroy and crumble beautiful young minds?

Okay. So teachers can't get all the blame for this. Students got problems too, akibat arah pembesaran mereka. The whole jing-bang of growing up, parents, influences, interaction between the surroundings etc all contribute to the youngsters upbringing. Students got their part to play too, by being a good student. And by saying a good student, that means you'd be attentive, interactive, diligent etc... Putting good students with good teachers = good. Putting bad students with bad teachers = holy shit.

I hate em. They rue the essence of life. Curse the existence of purity. Surface the evil of mankind. Destroy. The cause of deterioration.

Well I'm just venting ot my stresses here... don't mind meh.

On another note, on behalf of those peeps outstation :D I blog about a little insight into what's been going on in Malaysia! Thanks to the end of school, I now have all the time and focus in the world to freely do so. That is of course if I don't say anything that the guv'men deems offensive or inappropriate material to the reputation of Malaysia.

Why yes, the Guv'men sifts through almost every article, magazine, and blog now to inspect the comments regarding Malaysia or anyone in it. I haven't been reading the papers while the whole re-election of Prime Minister was going on, and that was since the start of this year? The paper had been riddled with nonsense debates and court trials since then. Journalists and reporters expressed their humble views on the events going on in Malaysia lately, and guess what? They got jailed! The Guv'men locked up one that supposedly offended and demeaned the Islam laws of Al-Quran. Another got the same treatment for I don't know what... I don't know what they wrote to piss them off so much, but the way it sounds now, the Guv'men are way too strict and sensitive about this...

You really can't help it if there's already so many things wrong in the world.

Well nowadays I can relax and sift through the papers myself, skipping the entire hoo-hah of Guv'men issues of course. Prices of fuel and food went down thanks to the Guv'men's decisions, though it won't last. Fuel that took millions of years to make will be gone in a good century or so. Without an alternative, any sort of vehicle, food product, storage container, no, ANYTHING THAT A CITY PERSON NEEDS, will fail to exist or function. There will be no need for a fighter jet, or CDs, or lube or sweet wrappers or handphones or computers or satelites or candles or... or...

... so many things.

I WANT A MARSHMALLOW

xD

back on the topic...

The Energy Crisis. When the world is just getting cozy with crude oil, the black gold is dying out. Without petrol, there will be huge cut of inventions. But that doesn't mean we can't improvise with what we already have. The hydrogen car is still a work in progress, that covers much of the fuel for vehicles. Hydrocarbon gases like methane and propane could be synthesized to meet the requirements of plastics products. But it won't ever be enough. It can't match up to the millions of years it took to make the black gold.

Let us not depend on black gold anymore. Let us think. Let us see the energy that has always been around us. Well yeah, of course, if physics had been all right and accurate, then every thing that exists has energy. The air, the clouds, food, hair, textbooks, voices, people... everything. Harnessing the energy is what's the problem. Then again do we really need to harness this energy.... and what for... Well of course to power up our houses, our vehicles, to make our food, to live our modern lives.

Why did we have to pursue this direction of evolution...

Then again its just life and its petty questions bothering me. I forbid myself to get caught up in that mess of society.

Alright then. Time for dinner soon. Gonna chow down energy that I don't really put to good use anyway, and drink fluorinated water that tastes like soap. Have a good night!

Love,
ViatoretVenus

Rejoice for 23 hours

2008-10-21T17:16:00.003+08:00

The first paper is OVER

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO

yes

YES

YES!

NO MORE CHEMISTRY PAPER 6 ANYMORE!!! ANY-FUCKING-MORE!!!!!!! THAT PAPER IS OVER! HISTORY! GONE WITH THE WIND! NON-EXISTANT!

(until A levels of course)

And now... to celebrate such jubilation... we headbang to the melodious, the sensational...

MOTLEY CRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KICKSTART MY HEART! DR. FEELGOOD! RATTLESNAKE SHAKE! SAME OL' SITUATION! WILD SIDE!

THE DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE WAY TICKET! HAZEL EYES! GIRLFRIEND! ENGLISH COUNTRY GARDEN! BLACK SHUCK! GROWING ON ME! I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE! LOVE ON THE ROCKS WITH NO ICE! STUCK IN A RUT!

...and most importantly...

DRAGONFORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SONIC FIRESTORM! VALLEY OF THE DAMNED! FURY OF THE STORM! BLACK FIRE! HEART OF A DRAGON! STARFIRE! SOLDIERS OF THE WASTELAND!

(glass breaks and shatters due to the blasting of music)

HAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

One paper down.

Tomorrow there be English.

Its just gotta be luck that I manage to pass that subject.

In normal exams, I pour my heart out on the paper, the results are random; I try to plan and think with tedious effort, the results are still random... so I decided that its decided by luck... hope the old fogeys marking the papers are in a good mood. Wonder what satanical questions they will ask this time...

Nevertherless... I'm happee

wheee

Ooh ya

Just something I realised...

"Mirrors never lie"

This is true. The mirror is a mirror. A reflection. A replica. A doppelganger. A clone. An exact image of what is in front of it.

Mirrors don't lie. Your perception does.

I'm happy I finally realised the right words to phrase that.

Now I headbang till dinner.

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Pray really hard

2008-10-20T18:40:00.001+08:00

Exam starts tomorrow.

The IGCSE O-levels examination October/November 2008 for Year 11 students, the first ever batch of O-level program takers of Sri KL.

Tensions rising, the stress limit is breaking, we're tearing out our hair and screaming, we're so worked up over it we can't sleep or eat, we're playing footie at the back of the class and got Pokemon Crystal on our handphones as we wait for the seconds to tick by... wait what....

Right about now certain priveliged Form 5 students are stabbing the keyboard away to vent out their deepest fears and unnerving questions...

Am I gonna make it?

What if I space out?

Won't it be cold? I won't be able to think with a cold head

Why can't I friggin sleep? And if I do, what if I can't wake up?

What does enthalpy mean again?

Those friggin birds won't stfu

What's for lunch

I miss the old days

GAH that pokemon got away again

...wait what

And that day is tomorrow. Come 8.30 am, 21st October 2008 of a Tuesday, us Form 5s will be poring away at those blasted questions... We'll will be rejoicing every second of the rest and freedom that we get each day of those 3 weeks.

No time to lose! I won't study and cram anymore. I will rest and sleep like I couldn't have done before. Just reminders to self:

Absolutely no caffeine
=> When I was a kid, I loved Coke. I drank bottles of it everyday for almost 2 months. Just loved the stuff, couldn't keep away, and I went high when I got off it. Then at the end of it, I realised I just got high and happy, laughed a lot, but everything was a blur. I can only remember I loved the stuff, but no thoughts, no sense, no reason was born from that high. Then at the end of those highs I'd get cranky and uncomfortable. I'd get riled by the slightest of comments. So it took me a while before I could stop completely. The higher I got, the more moody I became after that... Then when I felt moody I felt I just needed more Coke to feel hyper happy.

After managing to stop, amazingly, the next best thing I thought was coffee. The same thing happened --get hyper, get moody, get hyper again, get moodier again. It took me a really long time to quit that coffee drinking habit. I put alot of sugar in the creamed white coffee too. Imagine the effects! Imagine the sheer static, flatlined brain I had in my head. You could leave me in front of a TV for days without needing to feed me, I'll be stuck there.

So after abstaining from coffee for a long time, I managed to get over it. But its not like things didn't change. I saw things in a different way, felt differently about things, but most of all it felt like a part of my life was just a blanked out, a part that got accidentally erased from my memory. Now in the present day, whenever I drink a caffeinated drink, coffee or fizzy drinks, I make sure that I have no exams after I drink em. (long grandfather story for just a short excuse.)

Focus
==> Basically just arrange thoughts in the required, orderly manner. To prevent writing in a topsy turvy way that no one but I could understand. Its easy to focus. Even easier now that the syllabus comes along with the actual criteria of what they want you to achieve from studying. Take Accounts for example: written in the Frank Wood's Business and Accounting 10th edition, it says at the start of chapter 24: Capital Expenditure and Revenue Expenditure, the "Learning Objectives"...

"distinguish between expenditure that is capital in nature and that which is revenue expenditure",

"explain why some expenditure is part capital expenditure and part revenue expenditure",

"explain the effect on the financial statements, and the profits shown there, if revenue expenditure is wrongly treated as being capital expenditure, and vice versa".

Seeing these, makes studying seem a cinch. Its a clean jump through the windows of success, where a sparkly rainbow of flying colours floats on the other side, and gleams beautifully to catch your fall, and let you slide to your bright future paths. But really. Has the future generations sunk so low as to not be able to understand what is being taught and told from the mouths of teachers? Are we resolved to get "spoon-fed" (teachers' words...) all the time, getting all the revision books and notes that we can get, flying from end to end of the state to attend revision classes, holiday school, group studies? (major exaggeration) I find all these direct instructions on telling us what to do, exactly what to do, how to do it, when to do it, its all demeaning, insulting, dastardly offending to the student body. UGH I've had about up to here enduring these specific criteria and particular details!

But anyways, I do try not to fall into this... I try to resist this... I want to study with my own efforts... and the results will tell... (the words of adults and teachers resonate in my empty mind)

That's all there is to these bloody exams. Just write out what you know, but do it how they want it, how they would like to have it and how they would like to think that they made you do it so. But really. All that matters is what we want. And I want things simple.

Which also brings me to one of the things I wanted to blog about.

This book called Simplicity by Edward De Bono, talks about what simplicity is, and what it does to human kind. Great book, I totally agree with the man's views, absolutely right. You can notice that he utilises the meaning of the word in a few obvious aspects, where he uses a simple book cover -- pure white save for the hard embossed title and his name--though there might be a chance that only his publisher had thought of this. Then there is also the large font that he uses on the left faced pages, where there is only one to three short statements about Simplicity, thus giving the phrases a compelling and deep meaning. On the right faced pages are the smaller font, written in a first person perspective, the writer uses a colloquial tone in his explanation of Simplicity that keeps the readers continously interested. Lots of logic, lots of sense, lots of insight. He is a scientist.

Well I should go now. I will have finished the first Chemistry Paper 6 exam by the time I post again...

Love,

ViatoretVenus

Graduated

2008-10-19T17:15:00.003+08:00

Graduation is over~!

Means school is over~!

Hallelujah~!...

It was a fun night. Our performance was wtf but everything was great. Everyone looked so grown up and adult like man... wow! Great MMPs from Delta and Omega seriously! Priceless ideas... =D They were all so great and funny... AHH why can't we just have graduation everyday like that and just enjoy ourselves instead of...

THINKING ABOUT THE EXAMS TO COME

But ne'er shall I stress anymore, I will post happy things to ease my mind... (my mind is too eased! too relaxed! I'm not in a exam mood right now! why?!?!)

The truth is... before graduation I've always thought about getting school life over and done with. I still do, but after that night I guess I will miss the happy moments too. They could only happen once, and like that, it has passed us all by.

Still...

I'm really really really really glad that school is over. (I didn't want to swear there... I swear)

And I am ALSO going to miss all the good good good great great great times in school! (avoidance of swearing again)

Let the pictures go round and round please. (I only have... no, I barely have any pics on my cam... its all with u guys...)

Now that school is over...

Now what?

I don't feel like I could do anything else more useful if it weren't for school.

School's been there for us... to keep us in line, to bring us together, to bring us up, to have our shirts tucked in and socks pulled up...

And now...

ON TO COLLEGE AND UNI

(I am so not in the mood for that right now!)

GAH okay. Will stop thinking bout that. Now I will do...

Tag 1:

1. Take a recent picture of yourself or take a picture of yourself right now.
2. Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair... just take a picture.
3. Post that picture with NO editing.
4. Post these instructions with your picture.
5. Tag 5 people to do this.

omfg! shield your eyes!!!!

Stunned and perplexed! (Remind me to just pick out those more sensible tags next time...)

I be tagging:

Rachel (oneechan u must :D)
Lim Ji Hau (muahhaha u haven't been blogging lately!)
Chuah Shang Ying (you should get a blog!)
Patrick Lam (you have a blog somewhere! I know it!)
Geraldine Lee :3

Tag 2:

RULES:
- Pick your birth month.
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
- Bold (or italicize) the best apply to you.
- Copy to your own blog, with all twelve months.
- Tag 5 people.

I don't know the code for strikeouts (I'm dumb) so I'll just put an 'X' next to it!

MAY:

Stubborn (I don't budge. much.)

hard-hearted (I don't let things in)

Strong-willed (I don't give up easy! err well it kinda depends really)

highly motivated (depends! so long as there's no homework!)

Sharp thoughts (I like to think so..)

Easily angered (things just piss me off)

Attracts others (..? I don't really know but people aren't running away from me so I guess this is right... right? xD)

loves attention (its encouraging :D)

Deep feelings (blame the problematic past o.O)

Beautiful physically and mentally (this is just me fantasizing)

Firm Standpoint (I'm on no one's side but my own... yeah Saiyuki! :3)

Needs no motivation (Joker voice: I just do things.)

(X) Easily consoled (used to be. not anymore!)

(X) Systematic (left brain) (used to be... now I've hit rock bottom level of retard)

Loves to dream (ABSOLUTELY!)

(X) Strong clairvoyance

Understanding (otherwise I'd be really cold.)

(X) Sickness usually in the ear and neck (I had something wrong with my neck when I was a kid, and had scratches in my ear for pointing at the full moon, but its all in the foggy past now.)

Good imagination :3

Good physical (just don't know anymore since so many people say diff things)

Weak breathing (sometimes I feel lazy to just breathe... o.O seriously!)

Loves literature and the arts (its alright.)

Loves travelling (Yes.)

(X) Dislike being at home (NO)

Restless

(X) Not having many children (WRONG! I'm not having ANY!)

Hardworking (I try because I want to)

High spirited (Nothing shall break meh!!!)

Spendthrift. (that graduation dress will be coming out of my savings..)

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.Talk ative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties instudy ing. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor.

I be tagging:

Ngun Tuck Seng
Geraldine Lee
Chuah Shang Ying (I would really love to see your comments! xDDDD)
Lim Ji Hau (yours too!)
anyone else who reads this :3

Jeeeeez.

Self analysis takes a toll on you...

You become paranoid and then... change unconsciously and then.. you grow old really fast.

It is so exhausting to be particular about everything.

What happened to be yourself, enjoy life, don't worry and be happy?

I'll miss childhood days. The ones when you had no parents looking over your shoulder, whom were always looming over you constantly, stalking you, balking you.... tending to your every care and need with fuss and insistence... then the times they just left you by yourself when you found that you needed them most, the hurtful groan of annoyance they made when u needed their comfort at that intense moment, the "why don't you grow up!" looks they glared back at your puppy dog teary eyes...

But the point is, I'll miss the days of freedom.

There'll be more in the future. Now with a much heavier price.

But I will do anything to live that freedom for my days to come.

Okay not literally anything, y'know? Its cuz its such a well thought out line that I just gotta say it once in a while, y'know? Anyway...

There is a whole mountain of things in the past that I could have explained and sorted out, but those things, I don't know how I allowed my sanity to bring me to such a conclusion, but I thought that it would be best to leave those things unchanged, so that the things that depend on those things won't change... I must have been depending on something so that I won't change... silly

And to sort these things out would be so simple! The solution was right there in front of me. I knew all the steps to take, the very procedure, the whole routine was like a yesterday. I needed only to act and everything would fall into place. But I didn't. Because I felt that those things were important to those around it, I saw what it meant to them (it was appalling, to be frank, I didn't like it one bit) but it looked like, if I took that away, they'd have to change so drastically... they won't be able to handle it... (and why am I suddenly talking about things like this? why am I treating it like its such a big deal? Its in the frikkin past already so its over and done with so...)

Okay This is way too much for one post. Its about graduation and how it was such a great day and how I was so freakiin full from the chinese food and how horrible the performance was where everyone couldn't remember the lyrics and was singing about 5 seconds faster than the music.. then at the time people went up to take their folders and report cards the cameras were lighting the ballroom as if the place was a disco joint (exaggerated). And 5 Omega's MMP was just great where the teachers wore the school uniform and sat down as students (god knows how they managed to convince them to do this!) and had the teachers-made-students raise a hand, stand up, and ask a question to the student-made-teacher... great brilliant idea.

Okay I will go off now because I really can't remember what Pascal or Bernouille's or Archimedes principles are... go Physics go.

Reminescent,

ViatoretVenus

I love the holidays!!!

2008-09-30T21:49:00.002+08:00

Wahahahah

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

woooo

wooohoo
weehee
waahaaaaaa

Wakakakakakkakakk

ka

foooooo.....

okay gonna come outta this high now....

chikichikicha!!!!

BakakabishibishiBOO

MALALALALALALLALALALALLAL

okay I think I'm just about done here

HOOOOOOOOLAAAAAYYYYYY

fishifishifishinginthesunshinespringshallashallashallawannashing....

Okay.

Therapeutic madness end.

Back to true stuff. Real stuff. The sensible stuff.

LLAOOIIIEEEEEEEEEhooo

Pardon the hiccup.

So.....

I love the holidays.

Its so great :D like really really really nice and peaceful and happy and nice and sweet and cool and amazing and wonderful and nice and did I say that and oh yeah I did already 3 times already and hahahahahahahahhaahaha.........................

Its really... great

It makes me realise so many things... and remember so many memories... and makes life seem all the more wonderful and exciting...

I love holidays

Can't get enough of it

heehee

Soo...

I'm gonna go enjoy my holidays instead of sticking here

Cya!

ViatoretVenus

=D

2008-09-26T18:54:00.003+08:00

Toiling gusts sweep snow clouds low upon the slumbring city and melting snowflakes pelt the roofs as tiny icicles, but do not stir the lives under it. The winds swirl and transform as they move to the Southeast. The sky is a dense mass of ominous cumulonimbus clouds, dark pink from the haze and carnival lights from the faraway city. It is night.

It is not dark. There is no moon. There are no stars. You see clearly the dark pink hue of the houses, see the dance of the trees as they flail in the wind, see the occasional whirlwind of brown leaves brush pass, see the fine outline of your palms, and the world below you. You are sitting atop a great stone statue, on the roof of a tall grey abandoned building, overlooking the land, watching the world, searching.

You see a blanket of warmth over the houses -- the icicle-like raindrops fall deftly here. You see an air of coolness in the trees and fields of grasses beyond -- they welcome the calm before the storm. You see the uncomfortable busy heat rising from the source of lights further beyond -- they will regret being so in the weather to come. You breathe in ice-cold air.

You rise to stand even taller over all this, feel the cold winds and icicles whip your body, the clouds thickening swiftly. The only sound that reaches your ears is the wind whistling in the cracks of the grey building, the small pelter of icicle-raindrops, and your beating heart. You fly.

You don't worry why you're there. You don't think of what you are doing. You are not disturbed or fazed by the movement around you. You feel this moment. You relish it. You love it.

--

.....

....

...

..

.

I think I suck at poetry.

Yep. I really do. I don't do poetry. As in, I can't compose poems. Well, I've tried it ONCE before, but that was a parody, not a melancholic one. I laughed my ass off reading that old poem again, but now that I remember it I regret that I didn't finish it because I can't possibly continue it now... I'm old.

So yeah, I suck at poetry.

I mean, I can't express feelings or views in a poem no more. When I was younger I thought everything could be dilly-dally and hanky-panky, so I did satirical genre. It was easy when you could bomb all the serious stuff, the rules. You know, the stuff that adults took real seriously and tripped over themselves trying to take care of, but in fact to kids it was "just do this" and everything was solved. I believe it is still that way =D Doing that sort of stuff as a kid was fun. Its what makes kids kids. Well, now that I am older and grayer I have much less freedom of thought for that stuff. Being older means you have to see the world realistically. That broke me up a little. The laughter was silenced.

Just look at what I wrote. Its not an essay, not a poem, not an ode, I don't know what it is called. Its just an expression, in the form of paragraphs... creepy language... disorientated, meaningless... why did I write that?? I just wanted to write about how this one morning of the witching hour I was awakened by the whistling wind through the closed windows and doors. It was some 3.30 am, and I was disturbed by the thudding doors throughout the house. Here's what really happened.

I got out of bed thinking of getting ready for school, but I saw the clock: 3.37 am. I heard the whistling noises through the sliding door of the balcony. I decided to go out there and see what's up and found the sliding door to be open. A gust of wind blew the curtains aside. The sky was dark pink with light pollution. It was like day brought over into night. It should've been dark if not for the thick clouds and haze and the lights from Bukit Jalil.

I walked out and felt irregular winds in the air. The white clouds were low and thick, moving fast towards my direction, the North East. I had the feeling that those clouds would've brought snow if it weren't for the warm nature of Malaysia. It was also drizzling and the droplets hit my skin like blades of ice. I leaned on the wooden barrier of the balcony, enjoying this moment immensely.

Then after watching more clouds fly past and lightning flash and thunder rumble for about 15 minutes, I went back inside and slept soundly. I missed the bus the next morning.

I am hopeless at poetry now. Sigh.

Well.

In other news:

Nothing much interesting at school. As in, not much lessons, or activity, just more papers. It was the last day of SPM trials and its officially the Hari Raya holidays now, so everyone was uplifted at the end of the day.

My forecast turned out to be straight As. I stared at it instead of studying. I thought: This is gonna get me kicked out of college, isn't it? I asked Shaegan. Its true. *&^%$#&%$!!!!!!! What should I do? Do I ask for changes? But its what the teachers gave me. There must be some kind of reason they put it there. Some undeserving expectation or mysterious anticipation for my results?!

So silly little Vivien went and passed up the forecast, thinking she can make the grades. She was certainly dreaming at the time, and after eating a scrumptous lunch at school, talking with friends, snoozing on the bumping bus, getting home, having 8 crackers with a steamy cup of Milo (yum), CZ-ing for 2 HOURS STRAIGHT, remembering that she had crackers and Milo at the side, grumbling about having to eat softened crackers with cold Milo, grumbling some more about the pain of the ulcer on her lip because of sweetness of Milo, CZ-ing sommore, had a lovely dinner with Mother, CZ sommore, wake the world with unfitting screeches of violin, more CZ, she then blogs about some old memory and how she should have had those results on her forecast changed so that she won't get kicked out of college/UNI, all the while playing CZ from time to time. She gives a look.

(*&^%$#@^&(*&^!!!!! WTF I shoulda snatched it back from Mrs Chong's office and asked all the teachers to be honest with themselves. Seriously. Compare. I have NEVER gotten an A for English. And Mrs Chong penned down this A*.

A*. 90+/100. The examiners need to be drugged to even give my paper a B. O_O

Never got an A for Add Maths. I've got 60, my highest. That's borderline for C. That's my highest. C. The rest are 50s, Ds, and 40s, Es. E and below is fail. I FAIL. A LOT.

Never got an A for Physics. I first got B. Now I get Ds. Nice twist.

Never got an A for Literature. I got Ds, then Cs, then a bad F, then a bad E, then star-striking Bs. SOMETHING'S GOOING ON HERE?w@?!#? Is it really improvement or Mrs Chong getting softer...?

No more.

I have to somehow get those results changed, or study my ass off and get some As, or keep blogging and CZing with ultimate happiness in mind...

GRRRRRRRR

AND THE LITTLE STUPID THINGS JUST KEEP COMING

Alright. Getting down to work. No thinking. No planning. Just gonna do it.

...

After CZ.

...

Love,

ViatoretVenus

I'm scrooded.

Shit.

2008-09-21T15:38:00.002+08:00

Damn it.

Damn. It.

Damn it all to hell.

FUCK!@

Moments of freaking out.

Right exactly when I planned not to.

Can't stop shivering mentally. Stunned. Don't know where to go further.

Its right there. The finish line is just there. So just cross it, right?

I can't move... I have to stay here. Something's not right. I have to find out what it is, then move on. But what is it?!

Its usually nothing. Just a little fear and uncertainty whizzing in my mind. But there is a possibility that there really is a problem... one that I can't see in this state.

How can I not know what it is.

How can the reason elude me.

How can I not do anything else but stay put and turn round and round in that spot looking for that invisible trouble.

If I move, I get crippled. I don't, time runs out. I must find the problem. Then deal with it.

And should it be a problem that I've never faced before... I gotta put it down nice and easy.

Gah. Mentally disturbed. Simple reason. Stupid drama.

I know the reason. And I know that I don't want to admit to it. Stupid stupid reason. Not the least sensible. Utterly idiotic. Sheer incredulity. Dumb.

And the thing that eludes me is actually the way to overcome it.

Is it bravery? Yes. And I always have denied it. Went meandering round and round and round... now I'm lost! Haha!

No, perhaps not lost. I know exactly where to go, what to do. Now it is the will to act that eludes me.

Too many goddamned things are eluding me.

And this is just a confused rant that I had the appropriate motivation to type out.

So I will stop here with the elusions and distractions.

...

GAH BUT WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

GRrrrrrrrrrrr

Damn Damn Damn shitassbloodfuickfnbwrbvgwrivbgi..............

Gonna stop thinking now.

Gonna stop the madness, resume human nature, and write normally like how I always used to.

Not going back but going forward as a better person.

CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why.

No matter how many times I say it, hear it, think of it, the thought which I wish to remove from this blackened tumor of a brain seems to fester in that spot.

Its infectuous. Poison to my soul. Its messes up my system like how a... mutatic (does this word even exist...?) radiowave distorts the telly into snow and noise. A frigging bad interruption. A glitch in a song. A bump on the polygraph. A chip in a glass. A bad joke.

No. Its fine. It will go away.

Even if its been there since...

...

Damn. Major freak out. I say again. Its a really dumb reason.

In other news...

I got my year end report card. It is just, wow. Not what I expected. There must have been some sorta mistake somewhere...

The forecast... A. Report card... D A C B B D C... wow.

I wish I was back in Assunta.

30 days. I was ready for it last year.

Alright. Screw everything. Mess it up. Destroy it. And start again. Lest I attempt to arrange the mangled mess that takes approximately the same amount of time and energy needed to actually live through it.

Being bitter,

ViatoretVenus

I like garlic

2008-09-03T23:05:00.003+08:00

Behold the stinking rose.

Munch,

ViatoretVenus